Society for the Preservation of My Sanity

I'm around... sorta. When I'm not sideways, or upside down... that is. And I'm checking in on the comments.

Things are a little wacko around here, but I hope to post an update soon.

Keep up the discussions!!!!

Love yas!!!!

Posted by subject G~ at 06:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

From this post where the whole topic of attending modern-day churches versus home church and the validity of the current model of "church" as it pertains to our ideal of it today.

If that made any sense. If it didn't, just get over it. You know what I'm trying to say....

I'd like to explore the topic a little more in depth. Some commenters mention encounters with hypocrits and I've had that experience myself...and I'm sure most all of us have. Others have fallen away from church attendance for other reasons, others are sporatic attenders, while a few others are faithful, regular church-goers.

I've been all of these at different points in my life. We've been hurt deeply and very personally by people in churches more than once... and not just "my" family-- hubby & kids...but when I was a child... I can remember a short time when we didn't go to the only church I'd ever known...the only church I ever belonged to up until a few years after I was married! Why? Because we weren't welcome. It was nasty, ugly and so petty. The usual. Some people wanted to do one thing, something that wasn't appropriate. My father objected, his being a deacon and all... so the feathers proceeded to fly and the stink proceeded to smell up the place. It was just easier to remove himself (and us, of course) than to continue going and being these people's excuse to act awful and ruin the services. :( anyhow.... we're no strangers to this kind of thing.

But.... the thing about this is... "the church", however we define that (which is something I need to study on!) is not about the congregation, it's not about the people. Is that shocking to you? Well, it's not. Or at least it's not supposed to be! It's supposed to be about worshipping Jesus Christ (and not just by singing repetitive "worship songs") and the uplifting of fellow Christians. Reaching the lost? Well, that's something too, but I believe it's merely a "side effect" of a truly effective church.

Now, I don't have scripture to back any of this up... if there even IS any to clearly show these things. I seriously doubt there is. Not that will *clearly show* ... and not that would ever satisfy some people, but I do believe by example that there is proof. And while we're just on what my thoughts about the modern church are... I don't "believe in" Sunday school, either.

I know it's there, LOL, it happens. All over, all the time. And it's emphasized SO much that you're made to feel like you are some kind of backslidden scum if you don't bring your children and yourself to Sunday school every week. I really despise that. The only thing my children ever got from Sunday school was... as toddlers: a sugar rush and Ch33to stained hands so they couldn't sit still in church (and I never used the nursery... maybe that was the idea there... hype them up so moms HAVE to take them to nursery?!?! I dunno...gah!) and as teens and preteens?: how it feels to be snubbed and a crash course in how to be smart-mouthed or snobbish.

Um...and this was from the pride and joy of the church.... not from the "bus kids". So the very reason for ever creating Sunday school in the first place... to teach unchurched children the basics about Christ and the Bible so they could understand the sermons, is beyond "undone"... their problematic lives are made worse because "those church kids" behave as bad or worse than they themselves do... so why do they need to know Jesus anyway?

*sigh and cry*

So... there you have a little insight into the things behind why I feel the way I do. I think the N3w T3stament churches were just what was needed. They were gatherings of fellow believers, of those who wanted to hear more about Jesus, of believers who needed encouragement, comfort and uplifting to get through the horrible times they were facing... Roman persecution, being hunted for merely being a follower of Jesus...

....just try to imagine that. Soldiers are hunting you, to kill you, in the most horrible ways... just because you believe in Jesus Christ!

And here we sit in our comfortable little pews with our airconditioned sanctuaries and prerecorded feel-good music, soft carpet and prayer benches to cushion our knees were we to ever, y'know, feel like bending them before The Almighty.. but it's much nicer to just sit on our self-righteous behinds in the squishy pews and bow our heads while we're thinking about how ugly Sister Shoeshow's shoes are, or just admiring your own... or about how you want to be sure you show Brother Suitentie your new Huumer with the built-in cooler for when you go to the football games....

We have NO worries. No real worries. We don't fear for our lives because we drove over to the church house Sunday morning. We don't have to sacrifice anything for Jesus anymore. Seldom. Not here in America, at least. I know in other countries, this is not true. Don't think I'm making a blanket statement. I just mean here, probably right in your neightborhood, right in your town... this is the situation.

I guess the jist of this particular post is that perhaps today the church as we know it, is more of a handicap. What do you think? It's like a crutch for many people. You go, you sit through the service without participating at all, you leave and then when you see Brother Butterman, you can say, "Hello there Brother! I saw you in church Sunday! Wasn't that a great sermon? You take care! See you next Sunday." and go on your way feeling completely satisfied that you're okay. You're just fine. Because you go to church after all.

Too many of us, and I include myself here at different times in my life, use this crutch. Just like I mentioned in that other post... there sits at least, at the veeeery least, two women I know are or very recently were living in adultery and as far as I know, have never repented of it... they sit in church, sit through sermons speaking directly to their situation and they're totally oblivious to it. We are oblivios to our condition.... if it is ever even touched on in a sermon....which is lots of times very unlikely.

*sigh* This stuff just makes me feel soooo discouraged.

I really would like some discussion on this. Just on how you feel the church, not necessarily "people"... the body of Christ, but the modern day church... the way that it functions today... how do you feel it is affecting society and believers today? Do you think it's functioning positively or negatively? In general... And if you're more positive about it because you are currently in a great church, share what it is that is so good about your church. What makes it work well. Also, if you disagree about anything here, please discuss that too.

I am really desperately looking for a dialog on this while I try to study for where I stand. As it is now? I just feel like I'm flapping in the breeze. I know how I believe about the faults of the modern church in general... and so... if I find that attendence is commanded then... what do I do? How can I sit in a church where I don't feel Jesus Christ is being done proper service?

*siiiigh*

Let's talk....

Posted by subject G~ at 12:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (29) | TrackBacks (0)

I just wanted to let ya'll know that things are... well, "a-goin'" around here.

The mess that Daddy, T and Corey worked on last Sunday? Dad got a call at around 5am Monday morning saying the offices were flooded. GAH! So much for sleeping in. (the plan was to wait til lunch to start work) Mom even ended up having to go help do some cleanup.

Thing is, it's not the place they worked on that caused this flood. It's a long complicated story, so I'll spare you (and me!) but it's obviously a big worry. Will they try to stick Dad with all the expenses? Will they try to sue him?! Will his insurance pay for it? Will they drop him?!?

Sheesh. So... he's in a pretty precarious mood. I just feel so bad for him. Tommy feels like he should have done some things differently. But on the other hand... the whole building is pretty old, and is one of those "add on over the years" kinda thing. Know what I mean? They've added a room here, a production line there, etc., etc. Each time, adding some water or drainage lines to existing stuff. Etc, etc., etc. BLAH!

To me, who hasn't even been there and knows next to nothing about such things, it would seem that even if you used some mega-mondo thingamabob (I'm trying not to divulge too many details here while still making a little sense... yeah... ) given that you had a larger water line (a much larger one) that surges back and forth, thus causing motion, etc.... even using a stronger coupling would not have helped because ... as demonstrated here... the line will pull apart somewhere else.

SHEESH!

But of course, if things go in the terlet, they are going to argue differently and try to blame this on Dad. Lord help us!

*sigh*

Okay... so much for fast.

Anyhow... they go again this Sunday to try again. Corey is taking TONS of pictures. (go, Corey!) and I swear, I'm thinking maybe they need to get some neutral party to come in at least for a minute to see what they're doing. y'know... like an inspector or something. just someone to say what they see. I dunno. I'm going nuts)

So far, seems Mom and Dad are dealing with the whole thing pretty well, but I know they're stressed. *sigh*

Okay, well, I'm off to mow the yard and see what else I can get done while I'm feeling like tackling some a-beggin' chores!

Ta-tah & have a great day!!

UPDATE: um... i had a motor vehicle accident. i wrecked the lawn mower. *growling at self* it's mom's fault. she flagged me down as i mowed the path between our houses, so i stopped to talk to her a second and as is her usual practice, she had stuff to give me. sheesh! she came out with a shirt on a hanger. "um... no, mom." okay, she tells me 'come back and get that later'. gee, thanks! then she runs in to get a bowl of mushmelon. *cantelope* for you city folk. heh. i thought, cool, i can do that.. and it'll sure taste good after mowin' is done... so up to the house i go at a pretty good clip... up the little hill where the telephone pole is... when the bowl slipped, and the wheel kicked ... and i almost got whiplash, broke my knee and threw out my back! put it big gash in the pole, but THANK GOD, it didn't tear up the mower! you don't know HOW thankful i was for that! i'll eventually, probably heal up, but that mower? it'd cost a fortune to get fixed! gah. anyhow...um, the day didn't end up being so productive as i'd hoped... but at least i didn't die. and the mower still works. *whew*

Posted by subject G~ at 09:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

I'll be there...

I might not be worth very much, but Lord willing and the creek don't rise... I'll be there.

Well... that's not quite as true as it used to be. Some days I don't feel like getting out of the bed. Thank God that's not as often as it used to be, but sheesh... when it IS that a-way... man! it's REALLY that a-way!! Ugh!

Today has been gorgeous weather. Just beautiful. Nice milder temps. Lower humidity. Ahhh. I wasn't out a whole lot. Just for a few minutes here and there.

Tommy and Corey left to help Daddy work this morning at 8am. :( He had two different jobs that required going in when the plant or offices were shut down or empty. You can imagine what kind of shape Dad's been in this past week with just him and Corey working. FIL should be able to come back, according to what he says the doc told him, next week!!! I dunno if he's supposed to be restricted then, but looks like surely he would be. I dunno for sure yet. Anyhow... FIL is a hard worker and he's been able to put up with Daddy's moods and mouth longer than most anybody else. But.. he's cost Dad a whole lot to keep working, too. I guess anyone else would have fired FIL way back for a few of the things he's done. I won't go into them out fo respect.

I do care for FIL, even though he can do some really dumbhead things sometimes. At least he tries. At least he's real. MIL? You can't ever get close to her. I think the only time you see the real her is when she's all panicky like she was in the hospital or when she's mad enough to show it. I think that's the only time she's real. I know she's had a lot of bad things in her life. She had a bad home life and still has to deal with it, or chooses to still deal with her family. I don't know which it is. So I try not to judge too harshly, even though... well, there have been some bad things between us. Not so much me personally, but with Tommy or the kids. Just mostly thoughtless or hurtful things, that have made deep impressions in the memory, ya know? But anyhow... ours is a strange kinda family, but for the most part, it works.

When something goes wrong, when help is needed... we're there for each other. I don't know how many times FIL has loaned or given us money for various things. Or has come over and helped us work at the house... he helped pour the patio for nothing more in return than an endless supply of iced tea and some sandwiches for lunch. He helped us finish painting... just because that's what we were doing when he stopped by. He's always doing stuff like that. And I appreciate it.

So... it was just me and Case at home today. We watched our favorite Kentucky preacher on tv. Oh, how I would love to live close enough to hear him in person every week!! We didn't try to go to church. We haven't been to our home church in so long it would have been awkward going without the others. And the church close by that we've been going to (because we have been so late getting ready lately... we just stop there) is not really a church we'd join... but many people we know or are related to, go there and are beginning to get ideas about us... I'm just not really comfortable at all. Oh, and it's the church that FIL and MIL belong to. It might have been nice to speak to the pastor if we'd gotten to see him. It's a big, "uptown" type church where lots of bankers and lawyers and doctors go. The sermons are normally pretty good... they just tend to 'stop short' somehow. I don't know how to explain it. They just don't "go the distance". They don't "drive the message home." Maybe you understand what I'm trying to say....

I just find it hard to attend there let alone even think about joining because I know for a fact that there are women & men who are living in adultery teaching children's Sunday school!! A classmate of mine sits across the aisle from me with her umpteenth 'boyfriend' after her divorce and living with at least one man (that we know personally) for over three years... after that I know she's dated around quite a lot. And she'll sit there and play whatever with her poor little kid never paying an iota of attention to the sermon she so desperately needs to hear.

*siiigh* Okay... I'm going to have to create a category for posts that really don't have a main topic.... which would be MOST of my posts. Gah. I get sick of myself. Sheesh.

Okay...anyhow, the guys finally got home about 9:30pm or so. :( Long, long day. They did get the work done at least. PTL! Hopefully, tomorrow won't be too rough either. And Lord willing? I can get a lot of stuff done around here!!

Have a blessed Lord's Day!

Posted by subject G~ at 11:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

At least nobody died.

There's just something about July 19. Something that makes people want to get sick, injured or um...well, check out!

Tommy's gramma passed away on our anniversary a couple of years ago. A couple years before that is when he pulled his grand doozie and broke his collar bone. But we won't talk about that now, WILL WE?????? And then here we are... yet another two years later... with Tommy's father in ICU after the appendicitis episode.

*sigh* I don't know what it is about those people. Sheesh.

So anyhow...more stuff went on after that last post. I mean, of course it couldn't just be like a simple appendectomy, doncha know?

After that surgery was over and all seemed well with the world, he started feeling ill... his blood pressure dropped slightly, then he started throwing up blood.

Hmm... not a good sign. Of course THEN his bp dropped hugely!! Tommy had gone back to work by then, so I got the call from the hospital lady telling me that This is MM Medical Center...Is Tommy there? I'm like um, NO...what's going on? So, she explains to me that FIL is having a little trouble and MIL is a little upset and wants him to come.

I told her I'd get in touch with Tommy if I could and if not, I'd be up there myself.

Ya'll can't imagine how freaked out MIL gets over stuff. *sigh* I knew if SOMEbody didn't get up there to do Outburst Control, someone could possibly be calling security on her.

Seriously...

But more on that later....

I got hold of Tommy, so he headed up there, and I hurried to swab off the sweat and dog hairs (I'd been weeding and brushing a very hairy, shedding dog! Urgh!) and pull my sweaty hair into a ponytail and Casey and I just hurried up there too.

When I walked into the Obseravation area, he looked like a little white lumpy pile. He was in really bad shape. Turns out he was hemorraging and they were going to take him back into surgery.

And yeah...MIL was in Freak-Out City.... matter of fact, there was talk of electing her as mayor, I think.

MIL has always been this way, but in years past, I didn't have to deal with it so much. But now with so many things happening with FIL, who can usually keep her calmed down???? Ya see?? Well, it's been a whole different ballgame, but I'm finally learning to quit tiptoe-ing around her about how she's behaving.

She doesn't seem to be able to help it in one way...I mean, it seems to be her nature to just immediately start all this I'm so AFRAID *bawl with head in hands* If he dies, I don't want to live!! *bawls louder* I don't know what I'll do if he dies! *voice getting higher & shakier* She just works herself up into this frenzied state and she'll get mad if you try to stop her. She'll ask you questions geared to feed her panic fire and if you try to put water on it? She will get this look as if you've betrayed her and she'll start bawling again...

I'm telling you. She's about impossible!!!

Anyhow... their pastor was there, and I really like him. At that time, after they'd just taken him for the second surgery and she was working her way up to a full-on fit, my dad, both the boys, Tommy and I were all there, too. We'd been trying to y'know...comfort her with analogies of how God takes care of things and we're not supposed to worry. How that no matter what, God is in control and whatever happens, it's all in His hands and it's all in our best interest because God never does anything that is not for our good, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time.

So Preacher walks up (he's a big ol' country fella) and she's started that bawling and wailing again. He says it's going to be alright. She answers with wails of BUT I'M SO AFRAID!!! And he says Mm-hmm...and there you sit, a-sinnin'.

*gasp* (and snicker, too!!)

She looked up with her mouth wide open and then frowned and told him she didn't wanna hear that! (see? I told you she'd turn on you if you didn't feed her pity fire!) So he said, That may be, but I'd be doing wrong if I didn't tell you so.

And he just stood there, smiling. I coulda kissed him. ;)

Later, after one of the nurses had run out to say he was doing really good in surgery, MIL calmed down a little. I pulled her off to herself and talked to her head.

I asked her What good does it do when you do that? Does it make FIL feel any better? Whether he knows you're carrying on like that or not? NO. Does it make YOU feel any better? NO. How about God? Does it show Him that you're trusting Him? Um, NO. Now, I know that your family all reacts to things in a similar way. They like to jump to the worst case senerio and make a mountain out of a mole hill. And I KNOW, over much smaller things than a surgery!! I know that.
But you have to work on quitting that. It's not good for you. You need to start recognizing when you're getting on that 'track' and stop yourself. ......

Anyhow...she agreed, etc. But that's how she usually is, too. She'll be all apologetic about how she acted after it's all over. Then she'll do the same thing again. It just freaks ME out. I just can't quite handle someone carrying on like that. Makes me wanna just smack her sometimes, ya know? Like in the movies.... Snap out of it!!!

*sigh* So FIL came through surgery #2 very well. They'd given him so much blood that the bleeding had stopped before they even opened him up (he takes a couple of blood thinning meds, thus the bleeding, so...med-free blood helped stop bleeding) They cleaned out the hemorrage mess and reglued all the previous incisions and closed him back up.

He's been doing really well ever since. Tommy's stayed the past two nights in ICU with him while his mom went home to sleep. I have been going during the day for several hours, just to give her a break to go eat or whatever.

Going to MM Med Center? You need someone in the room to watch out for you.... If you're not mobile enough to get up and leave or whatever? You need to have someone there to take care of you or ask questions or chase down a nurse/doctor or who knows!!! *sigh* It's just not a good idea to be up there alone, okay?

We're hoping they'll move him to a regular room today and maybe let him go home tomorrow. That man bounces back from this kinda stuff quicker than anyone I've ever seen!! Pr0st@te c@ncer/surgeries, heart @tt@ck/surgery.... He just keeps on ticking.... amazing.

So anyhow...um, there was no anniversary celebration. The evening of the 18th, I stayed at the hospital til about 1:30 the next morning... I went home and left Tommy there with his dad. When I got up that morning, the 19th, I got dressed and headed back to the hospital but Tommy had already gone. He'd had to stop by work to take care of some stuff (of course *grrr*) So I didn't see him til like 4pm... he was still sleeping and I was exhausted, so I piled into bed and we slept til about 6pm. We got up, I rustled up some supper, we ate, talked to Corey, who hadn't been home from work very long, poor baby, and went back to the hospital. I stayed til about 11pm, and Tommy spent the night up there again.

So there you go. Another lovely anniversary marked by memories of the hospital ER.

Gah.

Posted by subject G~ at 08:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

I wanna thank everyone for their encouraging comments and prayers with regard to this post.

If you read the previous post, you might realize I've been a bit moody. Auntie has taken her sweet time getting here this month for some reason. I guess she's been busy hassling some other poor soul and it made her late for her appointment with me.

One would think maybe that'd be a good thing as maybe it'd mean she's all tired out, right? Well, so far, um. NO. That's not been the case. Matter of fact, she's been unusually grouchy and demanding. I'm ready to toss her out on her nasty, hateful behind right now....and she just showed up yesterday! Sheesh!

So...anyhow, it's pretty obvious that the post referenced above was a little hormone-driven. Even though, yes, I admit...all the stuff I wrote about is happening. We are going through a really bumpy stretch right now.

But it's not like we've never seen a gravel road before, ya know? It's just that this has been one of those very long bumpy roads with lots of pot holes and overgrown trees hanging down to block the view ahead. One of those roads that, perhaps on a cool, carefree afternoon, maybe on horserback, would be an enjoyable ride...but in a frantic, stressed dash in a 10yo SUV? Um, it's not a nice ride at all. Heh.

Anyway....I just wanted to let you know, I appreciate the prayers and the concern. I just love you guys for being there for me this way. I really don't have another soul on earth that I can share this with so it makes me very grateful for my internet friends. You can't imagine how thankful I am for you all.

Tommy had to go up to the hospital early this morning to be with his mom while his dad was taken into surgery. He'd been up there all night and finally got a diagnosis of appendicitis. He came through fine, there was no rupture which was miraculous considering how much inflammation there was. Anyhow, T came home a bit ago to change for work. He asked me what we were going to do for tomorrow.

I have absolutely no clue. I never have any say so in that kind of thing, ya know? I just have no clue. We really aren't gonna have the funds (I don't think) for a night away...and really...going out to eat just doesn't sound appealing to me, at least not right now, at all....so what does one do? Maybe I'll see if there's anything decent on at the movies? I can't think of ANYthing.

Mostly, I guess, cuz I'm not feeling up to anything today. Flo's a real bear, ya know? I'm light-headed every time I stand up or move around, etc., etc.... I think we have agreed to put off any "celebration" until the weekend, so maybe I'll feel better and can come up with something decent to do by then...but with limited funds AND limited entertainment choices around here....??? I just dunno. I've been so out of the "go do something" mood for so long...I have NO CLUE!!! Is that not saaad?!?! *sigh*

Okay...so you're updated now. LOL!

I gotta go. Need to go pull some weeds from around my sunflowers so they don't get cut down with a weedeater! Then? Maybe I'll go sit by the pool while Case swims. Maybe. ?? We'll see.

Love yas....

Posted by subject G~ at 01:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

time: late afternoon

setting: after Mother has gotten me out of bed for a long, hot day of errand-running, she's dropping me off at my house and she mentions feeling very tired and I say...

So do I!!

Mother, with hyper-concerned tone- You too?? I thought you were feeling better.

Me, with my calm-down-it's-nothing-to-freak-out-about tone- Yeah, I had been. I think it's just because Aunt Flo(w) is coming.

Mother, with wide-eyes and panicked tone- Aunt Flo's coming? Is she going to stay with you?

Me, not knowing if she's kidding or not- Um...yeah. For a little while.

Mother, obviously wondering why I don't have my house in better shape for company [and she's NOT kidding]- When is she coming?

Me, getting way too tickled at Mom now- I'm not sure. But she's due any day now.

Mother, incredulous- You don't know for sure when she'll be here?!?!? Is it Fred's sister or one of Lola's sisters? (FIL & MIL)

Me, feeling it's just too much to take now- Mother...Aunt Flow...F-L-O-W...y'know...that time of the month...fatigue, cramps...YOU KNOW!!!????

Mother, flustered and a little embarrassed- Oh good grief! I've never even heard such a thing before! *slight chuckling* Go away!

Sheesh. This older generation. What will they not think of next?

Posted by subject G~ at 10:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Okay, people. You'll realize once I get on with this post that I've obviously been thinking about the topic for quite some time. I wasn't sure I'd post about it, though.

But I've decided I will. Why? Well, I'm not yet sure about that part. I've debated about whether posting my thoughts here would be
1) embarrassing to myself or
2) embarrassing to my husband or
3) make him angry instead or
4) be discouraging to anyone who knows me as a Christion (which I'd hope is everyone, but *sigh*...) or
5) all of the above.

The more I thought on it though...the more I thought it might instead be an encouragment. If nothing else, it would be an example for pointing to and saying See? I don't have it so bad! Ha! ;) or It's not just us...everyone has problems.

Anyhow, the topic? Marriage. My marriage, to be exact.

Our 21st anniversary will be here in two days. Yep. Two days. It's weird how that doesn't seem possible. I mean, 20 seemed like such a monumental accomplishment (by the grace of God!) and it's not that we're all like Oh, has it really been 21 years?! Um no. We're more like Are you sure it isn't like 81? Check the date again...

*sigh*

Maybe it's just the stage of life we're in now, but it seems every single day it becomes more obvious how little we have in common. It seems the kids and the mortgage are the only common threads that connect us to each other anymore.

Sounds dismal, eh?

I could go into a big tirade of all the long-standing disagreements we've had over the past two decades. I could recount for you the defining moments when I didn't think we were going to make it through. All the ways I feel he's abandoned me....and maybe times I've made him feel that way too. *sigh*

After all this time? It's just a literal pile of crap. Unresolved issues that, when brought up in an effort to finally resolve them...well, let's just say they n-e-v-e-r get resolved.

So anyway...it seems like perhaps maybe in the past week or so that he might be showing a little interest in trying to figure things out and make them better before it's just me and him left here with nothing to talk about. It's so hard not to just blow that off because he's like that...really gung ho about something for a day or two, then nothing.

As it stands, I just feel really sick over how we've failed at our duty to our kids, to our family, let alone to each other. I've always felt like I tried "more" to make things work. I'm not sure how Tommy feels about that, but it's my take on how it's been. I suspect he may agree. He's spent a lot of time working, very hard and very long, but all that amounted to was a lot of time away from home. As a young wife, it was hard not to be angry that he didn't spend or "want to" spend that time with me. And then there were the ideas that got planted by others...maybe he wasn't where he said he was....etc., etc. None of which was true, of course, but when you're young...ya know.

*sigh*

I just wish we'd both had better training to be a married couple, ya know? I wish we'd understood what was really important, how to communicate effectively with each other. I wish we'd been mature enough, not necessarily in age, but emotionally and spiritually, to build a stronger marriage.

Ah well...but perhaps God has had another plan in mind all along. I'm finding it hard to reach Him these days too. There are moments when I can pray earnestly for this situation, for the boys and others in my life....but then there are times I just feel there's nothing in me to reach with. Can anyone relate to that?

I know God isn't very pleased with the way we've been living our lives. Not that we're boozin' and doin' drugs now, but we're not at all where we should be with Him...we've allowed Him to be pushed to the outskirts of our lives from the center, where is His rightful place. Pushed out by worries, anger, hateful actions of others, etc., etc.

But I also know He is a forgiving God. I'm trying so hard to get back under His wing where I belong. I think Tommy might be trying too, in his own way. I pray that he is, anyway.

So....I ask that you would pray for us when it comes to your mind, please. We need emotional and spiritual healing. It seems to me everywhere I turn, there's hurt...in my marriage, bitterness from my kids (maybe? can't tell WHAT it is?!), anger at myself, deep wounds from people in churches who've tried (and succeeded somewhat) to cause division in our marriage..... We just need to heal.

So if you think of it, or when you think of me, please lift us up and know I thank God for you all everytime I think of you.

Thanks.

Posted by subject G~ at 03:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

ALWAYS BE PREPARED

Posted by subject G~ at 02:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

"Life's Just A Bowlful of Cherries"

Whoever came up with that??? I'd like to know! Really!!

Aren't we led to believe that means something great and wonderful? That if your life is "just a bowful of cherries" then you're to be envied? Right?

Well, whoever that was oughta be kicked in the pants!

Cuz see, I recently ate a bowful of cherries and my experience since then hasn't been anything near great or wonderful or anything even the biggest idiot would envy.

Good grief!!

So don't let 'em fool you. Whenever someone says that life is just a bowlful of cherries, what they reaaaaaally mean is you'd better pick up some of this on the way home.

For some stomach disorder fun of your own, click here....

Posted by subject G~ at 03:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

So...I got a reply from the doc about the letter. (see previous post)

He apologized profusely for offending us. Then went on to tell me that his patients' health and safety was his first concern and because of that and because of some regulations (local? state? I dunno) he had to bring up the condom thing.

*shrugs* I dunno. *sigh* Anyhow...so there's that. I did go on and tell him I still didn't think for him to say "the more important thing I can tell you is..." was the right way to go about it, and he conceded that. Gah.

I dunno. I was really upset after I got off the phone with him. Actually, I was fighting back tears while still talking with him. Not sure why except that maybe my sugar was low. A very good possibility....OR it may have been that I just felt like he was saying, "I'm sorry.....but I'm not." Ya know? Like "I'm sorry you got offended, but not sorry I offended you." kinda thing.

*siiiigh* Sheesh. I dunno. Everyone else (mom, dad, T) seemed to feel it was all appropriate, so maybe it really was just me. Granted, I did have a really bad low blood sugar later. I just don't know.

Gah.

Anyhow...just wanted to update you on that.

Later.

Posted by subject G~ at 02:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Just got it done. Tommy's just read it over, suggested a few tweaks and it's hot off the printer.

I thought I'd share:::

Posted by subject G~ at 03:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

That's what we call it when we're studying (thinking) on something. When we're (country folkses) trying to figure out the best course of action, etc.

*sigh*

I haven't really talked this out with anyone and it's been bugging me A LOT.

I'll try not to be too confusing, but once you get the jist of what went on, you'll understand why I might be a little um...excited, to put it mildly, VERY MILDLY, and a little hard to follow.

Okay...*deep breath* I had made Casey an appointment for last Thursday to get a checkup. Tommy had had an earache for over two weeks (dumbhead!) and finally decided it wasn't going to just go away...he called telling me it was killing him the afternoon before, so I called the office and they said just bring him in on Casey's appointment.

*whew*

The things God uses for good, huh? I'm SO thankful that Tommy was there, too. That way I wasn't the only one to witness the shameful, shocking, awful behavior.

So in we go. Case and I met Tommy up there and we all went back to the exam room together, which is how we usually do things. And in comes Dr. K. He asks what's wrong with Casey. Nothing, we tell him, he just hadn't had a checkup in a long time and I thought it was a good idea for him to have one.

*sigh*

Then the bad stuff begins. Doc starts asking him the apparently "usual" checkup questions..."Do you smoke or use dip? Do any kinda drugs or alcohol?" Case is all like *hmph! "Nooo, noooo." with this *duh!!* tone of voice, ya know? THEN? Then Doc says, "Are ya havin' sex?"

*falls on floor*

I swear, people. I was dumbstruck. I remember Tommy and I looking at each other, but there was more talking going on so we didn't even have time to assimilate THAT shock til he went on with M - O - R - E ! ! !

*screams!!!*

Doc then lays THIS li'l tidbit of wisdom on my poor child:

Lord help me, folks. I thought I'd pass on right then and there. I don't know WHAT was wrong with me!!! The only excuse I have is that I was SO SHOCKED that I couldn't get my mouth and brain in gear enough to blast him, or at least yank Case off the table and walk out.

*scream some more*

Doc makes positively sure that Case know what a condom is. Then repeats how important the wearing of one is and then tells him that "Because it's going to happen, maybe not right now, or next year but it will happen and you have to be smart."

NOW---Let me lay a little background info on you... Doc? He got married the week before my sister did. So he's been married a little over three months, uhkay? And I guess his baby is about 2 months old or so.

*cocks jaw, raises eyebrow and looks in your eyes*

I have never judged him OR his wife who is a nurse in his office. I never said anything ugly to either of them.

But I'll be danged if he's gonna sit there and try to prep my THIRTEEN YEAR OLD son to avoid the mistake his THIRTY YEAR OLD self, medical doctor self no less, wasn't moral enough, not to mention smart enough to avoid himself.

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!

So...I'm now trying to get myself in letter-writing mode. That's what we decided would be the best thing. Just write a letter letting him know how offended we are by how he talked to our son, etc., etc.

I just dread it I guess. But it needs doing. Somehow, the Wordtiger in me is deeply sedated and I can't work up a lather enough to shoot out some fiery words that will let him know I mean business.

*sigh*

I'm just losing it altogether. Wah.

Anyhow...there's that trauma. If you have any suggestions, let me know. I need all the help I can get.

~hugs~

Posted by subject G~ at 02:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm SERIOUS!!

See?

Oh wait...I mean "Drawing a BLANK!" Gah!! I just can't think of a thing to write. Even though there are the usual gobs o' gas and corrals o' crap going on around here.

Maybe it's that I don't feel like taking the time to write about it.

YA THINK?!?!?!

Sheesh.

Okay...lemme concentrate reeeeal hard....

Oh, okay here's something: Casey went with Corey to the annual fireworks thingie where Corey and the other Cadets patrol. He just wanted to go hang out since, really, he'd never been. We've just never really felt like going in there like four or five hours early so we could park close enough to avoid a 3-mile hike into the place, then try surviving the heat (surrounded by nothing but kiddie stuff...picture huge blowup bouncy things-GAH!) and THEN, THEN...trying to get outta the place after the fireworks are over?!?!

Forget about it!!!

The Cadets who don't drive themselves over get "hauled over" in an ambulance. (funny, huh?) Well, coming back? AN AMBULANCE sat in traffic INSIDE THE PARK for over 30 minutes!!!!! I couldn't figure out for the life of me why they didn't flip them lights on and fire up them si-reens. The kids that drove out? They were back at the station in about 13 minutes. SHEESH!

Anyhow, so that's the story, mangled as it is, of why we never went. You can see the fireworks just fine withOUT going into The Pit of Mayhem and Misery. BUT while Casey was in there with the Cadets, the Cadet Supervisor asked Corey if he thought Casey would want to join the Cadets.

Corey told him that Case was just 13 (the minimum "stated" age is 14). Mr. Supervisor was a little shocked and commented on how mature Casey was. (he's obviously not sat around our dinner table, but that's another post) So he asked Case if he would be interested.

Last night, Casey went to his first meeting. This is after spending the last couple of days reading the first aid book through a couple of times and going over several quiz sheets Corey gave him. He came home with an official Cadet t-shirt and will be patrolling with the Cadets at the county fair next week.

*gulp*

We've asked him several times if he is sure this is something he can commit to, because it's really important. He says yes. So....here we go!

I hope it will be a good experience for him. That it will teach him some compassion for others, and a great amount of patience. I see it already kicking his butt to read. (I almost fell over when I saw him reading that book!! ;) Then to know he'd read it through? A COUPLE OF TIMES?!?!?)

All I can say is Praise the Lord!!! What an answered prayer that is!!! Now Lord, if he would only apply that kind of enthusiasm and responsibility to school work!!! Please?

Hmmm....

Okay...so I found something to write about after all. You knew I would, didn't you? (no smart remarks, you guys!! and you know who you are!!! =: |

I gotta run. I'm getting a handle on the house slowly, slowly...but had to go into town everyday this week since Tuesday. GAH! And have to go today to find Case some EMT pants!

EMT PANTS?!?!? What? Do I gotta go get 'em right off'n an EMT whilst he's a-wearin' 'em?!?!???!

*sigh* The things a mother does for her kids....

Posted by subject G~ at 09:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

....the images that come to my mind today--- courtesy of googly images.

Posted by subject G~ at 09:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

*whew!*

Finally! The coughing had decreased muchly and my head is slowly emptying itself of all the gooey sludge that was trying to push out my eye sockets!

Sorry for being so graphic, but dudes! That's how it felt!! OUCH!

Okay...lemme give you a little background info here...Doc O, the Chiro, has been telling me to make an appointment with his mother (how freaky! LOL!) who is an RN with all this training in natural healing. She can do all these blood and urine tests to see what's going on with your body, then I guess she "prescribes" you all kinda vitamins and veggies. *shrugs* I dunno about that part.

But the woman is a good hour away and that's NOT interstate driving either! GAH! He says that all the muscle tightness must be something systemic. BUT...my neck IS holding...or staying in place. He hasn't had to use the adjustor on me in over two weeks, which considering he was doing it twice a week for awhile, is excellent!

Ya know those tables they use? With the face hole so you can lie flat on your stomach? Well, when I first started going to him, I could "lie flat" on that table and my right shoulder didn't touch. No matter how hard I tried to "relax" it, it would never touch the table. Ever.

Last week though? The right shoulder laid flat on the table like a normal shoulder should! Now...whaddaya think about that?! I was tickled about it and pointed it out to Doc. He didn't seem so enthused. *puzzlement*

Anyhow, so now, from Tuesday til now (he's cut me down to once a week since I'm "holding" adjustment") my neck and shoulders are definitely better. IF, that is, it's not just because I've been so miserable with the cold that I was too focused on that, ya know? But SURELY not!! They're still stiff, but NOTHING like before. And I've noticed some other things that really seem to me like proof that I'm getting better!

....H o w e v e r ....now my lower back IS KILLING MEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dunno why. It's like someone hit me there or I've tried to heft something rEAlly heavy...but no one did and I haven't. So what the poo gives?!?!

*sigh*

Ah well...we'll see what he says about all this when I go back Wednesday.

Today, I'm going to take the dogs along with Mom's dog to get rabies shots. I guess I'll take along our new kitty cat.

We didn't go investigate. It was late, we knew better than to go stray kitty hunting in the pitch black so we went to bed. Next morning, we found it all stretched out on the front porch swing (where she is in the photo above) just like she owned the place.

*siiigh* Casey fell in love first thing. He's always loved kittens. I spied him at one point laying on the swing with that cat on his chest and it was all curled up trying to snuggle up under his chin and he was just laughing and smiling. I haven't seen that out of him in AGES. 8 ^ | Maybe a kitty is just what he needs to forget trying to be a "cool dude" who never smiles or laughs? Hmmm...

Well, since Tommy is working ON HIS DAY OFF....(GROWLING AND SNARLING FIERCELY!!!!!!!!!!!) I need to see what I can get done to lower the nasticity level of my house. I started on the kitchen and have made a little headway. Got a bit tired and ended up here. *tsk, tsk* Not a good idea, Geannie!

I wish you all a happy and safe Independence Day!!! May God bless America again.

Posted by subject G~ at 11:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

I am. Even though my head feels like it might burst wide open any second and my throat is all sore and scratchy and my lung feel like a big hairy ape is sitting on my chest.....

...at least it's not the puke & poop.

Praise the Lord it's not that.

*sigh* But how long will this round of hacking and barking and headachy days go on? Gah!

I'm taking Case for a check up (before soccer season) on Thursday. I think, unless I'm a lot better, I'll just have the nurse pull my chart too! Wah.

It's a hot, muggy day here. Fireworks are scheduled for tonight. Corey's patroling the pre-boom festivities right now and Case went up with him. Tommy's out on a nasty pager call. He blurted out something about a burned out pump and the electrical wizard dude who takes care of that stuff is on vacation, blah, blah, whimper.

I think he was a bit panicked. I hope he can take care of it. I hope he can get home before dark. He's worked a lot of overtime the last few days. At least he'll be off Monday and Tuesday. MAYBE. Barring anymore water-related mishaps or emergencies around here.

We had so much planned to do with all this off time. (he was SUPPOSED to be off from Friday through Tuesday) Pressure wash the siding; shingle the shop building (finally); he was going to cut Chubs' dog lot in half, which would require lots of metal cutting and welding (but would free up some yard space!); pull up a large dead pine in the front yard; maybe even get the kitchen painted.

But no. *siiiigh*

I guess God had this down as "sick and overtime" week for us. lol!

Oh well....it's not like we were planning some big shindig. I've felt yucky long enough to have NOT been planning anything! That's kinda strange to think of that as a good thing, but really ... it is. I'd have been all upset had we been planning to have a cookout and then I got sick.

As it stands now, I think this is just some nasty summertime cold.

Happy Weekend to ya'll!!

Posted by subject G~ at 05:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)