Society for the Preservation of My Sanity

i m-must do a m-me m-me, folks. that's all there is to it. sorry about the cryptic messages to get you here, but really...

claire made me do it! ;)

*ahem* okaaaay, not the cryptic stuff

so here i goes...

Here are the rules: Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. You need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they have been tagged and to read your blog!

1. i am a very indecisive person most of the time. i have trouble focusing on one task. that's mostly because i'm so scatterbrained, i usually have a ton of things that need to be finished...i can't concentrate on what i'm trying to do for seeing all the things around me that are undone. this drives me nuts and sometimes leads to a very ungood depressed episode fo rme.

2. my mother bases her whole opinion of you (or at least me) on how clean your house is and how well organized you are. at least most of the time she's that way. now i love my mom, don't get me wrong. she's the most loving, giving person you'll ever meet...but she can really make me a wreck when she's like worrying about what people will think. her mother never made a big deal about a super-clean house. they were poor and mom always felt like if she could clean what little she did have, then everything would be okay. so she cleans like... well, like rabidly! mom's always been very concerned that people think well of her and all of us. she gets embarrassed easily and over very trivial things. she's not like 'snobby' concerned, but worried someone will think we don't behave acceptably or dress acceptably, etc., etc., etc. all this kinda fussing is part of what made/makes me as nervous and such as i am, i believe. and there are other factors, too. i'm not playing the 'blame it all on the mother game' at all. this is just a fact about me.

3. for those who don't know (if there's anyone besides claire still reading here! lol!) i have had diabetes for 32 years. i'll be 40 in november. (you do the math. ;Þ ) most of my life. up until november 2, 2004, i was taking up to 7 insulin injections a day trying to keep my blood sugar under control.... and failing! that's when i got my insulin pump! i. love. my. pump! it has changed my life so much! not that it's perfect, but living with diabetes is sure a lot simpler, that's for sure and certain!! since march of last year, i've lost 30 pounds due to several different things...a] neuropathy/stress/nervous stomach causing me to be nauseated and not eat nearly as much for several months ... which lowered my insulin needs {more insulin = more food -- they must balance} and b] going on a migraine med which caused a lessening of the appetite, still losing more weight (which also lowers need for insulin {lower body weight=lower insulin needs} and c] basically what i just mentioned... the mere fact that i was losing weight, thus needing less insulin, was helping me lose weight! clear as mud? i hope not, but that's how i went from wearing a very tight size 14 jeans to a loose size 10. woo- and hoo! ;)

4. (man, this IS getting hard!) um... i love flowers and backyard birds and butterflies. right now, i don't have much of either because i haven't had the time nor money to spend on getting a nice area ready. i don't even have seed in the feeders, that's how awful i am. :( i have a couple of red knock-out rosebushes. one mom just got me this year, so it's blooming. the other she gave me last year. the bad cold snap got it, so it's had to grow back out again. i put out a couple of hydrangeas, but they look awful. should they do that after setting them out?? *worried face* my dream is to have a wonderful flower garden complete with a pond and small waterfall and no deer skull looking at you from the wall of the fort and no dog pen right in your face when you sit on the patio and no pile of car parts or big ol' trucks looking at you like a creepy monster either. just flowers and water and birds and butterflies. that's a l l ! ! ! hmph!

5. um... oh, here's another boring medical one. i have cataracts. yep. at 39. pardon my french, but .... they suck! diabetics tend to get cataracts earlier than usual annnnd they tend to not do very well with the cataract surgery (because they don't heal well) so i dunno what will happen in the future. of course mine aren't that bad right now. but they sure have put a damper on my reading. i absolutely cannot read a thing unless it's really giant print without my +1.25 drugstore readers. yep, i know those aren't even that strong, but i can hardly read a thing without 'em. urgh!

6. we had revival at our church last week. i know. usually people will say, "we had a revival at our church" which i guess basically means the same thing. and i'm not picking at anyone out there, i'm just generalizing here, okay? i guess when you say "a revival" it kinda sounds like something you take outta a box, ya know? anyhow... even if we did say "a revival" our church and community was revived. Dr. Stan Frye was the 'evangelist'. it's in quotes because he's not actually an evenagelist. he's a missionary. he's been pastor of some giant churches, some that started out tiny...and for years, he's been going over to africa on these trips. not your average mission trip. he went to places that mission boards weren't sending people. you can read more about it on the website. but the man is fascinating. i don't think i've ever met anyone so on fire and literally anguished for lost souls. he was in a wreck over there at the very beginning of setting up this missions organization, when there really was no one to contact, etc.... and his best friend died in his arms. he told the story to us and it was traumatic to me just to hear him tell it through his tears. he preached without fluff, without apology and without caring whether he was going to hurt your feelings. he told you what you needed to hear. that i'm not doing enough for God. that i'm not focused on what's really important and one day, i'm going to have to answer for that. that i need to put the Lord first in my life and let the rest of it fall into place (and it will). he really "socked it to me". and i really needed that.

7. and in that spirit, i'm going to tell you some of the things the Lord has done for me. first off, he saved my soul from eternal damnation. that's probably not popular to say, but it's the truth. i was eight when i went up after the preacher's daughter came back to where i was crying (everyone else was!) and asked me if i wanted to be saved. (well, of course i did! i didn't quite understand what that was at the time, though) i went on and got baptised and thought i was all okay. really, i never gave it much more thought, being a snot-nosed kid and all. but during an evening service one night when i was 11, i felt something. i didn't know what it was, though. when i went to bed that night, i couldn't sleep. i tried and i tried, but i just couldn't. something the preacher said was making me wonder if i was really saved or not. i went crying downstairs to my parents' bedroom to get some help... for some reason neither mom or dad would wake up fully (unusual) and so i had to go pray it out myself until i felt this gigantic weight lift off me.
the next morning (at that time, we did saturday night & sunday morning services) i went up during invitation. i guess they misunderstood me again because they treated like a rededication and at the time, i didn't know for sure if that was what it was or not. but now, i believe that's the night i got saved. not when i was eight.
*heh* how's that for confusing? :)
God kept me safe through my school years. being a kid with diabetes was probably a lot more dangerous back then than it is now. we didn't carry meters to school because they were too expensive! my blood sugar probably stayed way too high most of the time! but i never had any bad complications til after i had both my kids.
speaking of kids... if you can believe it, i occasionally still get the "i didn't know diabetics could have kids" remark. even in the 'twenty-aughts"! lol! God gave me two healthy, cuddly baby boys who've grown into two healthy, handsome, intelligent young men. what a blessing!
He saw me through the horrible depression that followed having my thyroid gland completely destroyed when I was diagnosed with grave's disease. having your thyroid levels go from 5x above normal to zilch? um... not good! that was a dark time, but God helped me make it back to the light.
God pulled me through the nightmarish Stevens-Johnson syndrome. go. read. keeping in mind that before i was finally admitted to the hospital for my two week stay, i'd already been to the e.r. twice in the past 10 hours and sent home. *sigh* see how much the Lord's brought me through?
for some reason, He keeps me around down here. and what a poor example i am. *hangs head in shame*

this past week has rekindled my thirst for the Lord. it's brought our family to church when otherwise, we wouldn't have gone. it's put a desire in us to go at times when we haven't been. i just pray that we can stay close enough to The Fire that we don't let our flame die down.

okay...tag seven people? i'm not sure i even know seven people who still remember me anymore! *siiigh* lemme think a minute.... *think, think, thi...* OUCH! ahhh, okay. how's about marty of not to scale, k8 of two wild monkeys (if she ain't off havin' a baby already), michele of coffee soups, moni of tuff toenail (if she ain't off havin' a baby already), dia of diamonds in the rough, linda of linda's lunacy and osray of being there. ha! i did it!

now...let's see how many-a them do it! hmmmm.....

Posted by subject G~ at 02:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

everyone's okay here... if there's anyone out there still checking by this place.
*sheesh!* i can't believe i've gone this long without posting!

still no help with the wordpress problems. i'm thinking maybe i should just start using the different url and have a link back to here for archives or something. ?? i just dunno. and i dunno when i'll get time to do that anyhow.

we've been busy with all sorts of things. wish i had time to post the pix. maybe i'll just stick a slide show up later.

hmph. that was easier than i thought... enjoy:

here's what we've been doing in no particular order::

we took everything out of our attic in order to have aluminum insulation installed. my attic now looks like a spaceship and too much of the stuff that needs to go up there is still down here. GAH! that was over a month ago!

we got rid of a ton of stuff... tommy took off the entire week and we just worked our guts out. we went through both boys closets and got rid of a lot of stuff, too. most of it i'm putting on ebay, which is a totally new venture for me.

i'd only ever sold one or two items on there. now i'm listing 6 to 10 at a time and i feel like i'm doin' big bidniss! so far, it's been okay, but i had one international deal that was kinda difficult to get shipped, but it finally worked out. *whew* i just get nervous thinking i'm going to mess something up, etc. i worry about losing money if something doesn't sell, etc. it's a little stressful to me, but we've got tons of stuff that's never been worn and the extra money would sure be helpful. duh! ;)

tucker fell off a 20foot cliff onto rock about 2.5 weeks ago. scared me to death. he ended up with just a jammed front leg, amazingly. God must have been watching over that crazy dog. the vets couldn't believe he was even alive, let alone that he could walk and didn't break his leg! what a miracle. he's just barely limping at all now. :D

neuropathy in my feet started getting lots worse about a month ago. finally got so bad i could hardly walk on them. i was hoping there was a new med i could try.... and there was, but doc also upped my current med, neurontin, too. the other med is cymb@lt@. i hate taking new meds. hate taking so many meds. hate adding a new med w/o going off something else. *sigh* but it does seem to be helping. it's been a week today and i'm still not quite adjusted to it. but it sure has helped with the grogginess and seems to give me a little more energy. but then on the other hand, it or something else, makes me feels completely dead to the world at other times. *sheesh* can't win for losing. gah.

tommy and i spent this past wednesday and thursday at st. joseph hospital with his dad as he underwent a heart cath. he had an 80% blockage in the bottom of his heart which they cleared and then put in a stent. that man beats all i've ever seen, though. he was awake talking to the nurses and doctor the whole time. he never had to have one pain pill the entire time. he walked the whole way out of the hospital (it was a long way, too!) he came out just the same way he went in except for that plastic braclet!! lol!! he seems to be doing fine as long as we can keep him from messing around and blowing the plug out of that artery before its healed! we're just so thankful that God made all this so smooth and easy with no complications or pain. :D

so...the guys are all just working... corey's working on his car more and more. hope he gets that thing done soon. i get tired of him taking mine all the time! lol! it's a long way to moe-lissa's house! rofl! ;Þ casey is doing better about working on his lessons, thank the Lord! tommy is still not smoking and is dealing better with the stresses at work and of course THAT tickles me pink!

okay.. there. you got a blog anyhow! surprise! (not)

i really have to go now. my house is a disaster and has been for forever. i can't seem to make any headway with it and it's killing me. everyone's gone now, so i'm gonna see what i can accomplish all by my lonesome and hope my energy holds out!

love you guys!

since the comments don't work....EMAIL ME!!!

Posted by subject G~ at 10:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

got this in my email today (surrounded by tons of spam) and thought it was providential::

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
-- Mark Twain

that sounds like the answer to many of life's just plain stuuupit mistakes and ideas, doesn't it? i mean, to be born with the wisdom from years of living while your body grows younger and younger? woah.

sounds like da bomb, don't it?

but God didn't make us that way, so i assume that wasn't such a good idea after all. or perhaps, just maybe, that's what heaven will feel like. i dunno, but after this weekend and this whole month... well, i would be really tempted to swallow a dose of mr. twain's formula given the opportunity!

i can't believe it's been almost a whole stinkin' month since i posted anything!!! gah! now that is just plain sad! but in my defense... i have been REALLY busy.

here are a few pix to prove it....

i know. he's gorgeous.... gets that from me, of course. [*choke, sputter, hack*] okay, well... some of it at least. ;)

yes, it finally happened. one of our boys graduated from high school. as he put it in the speech he delivered during the ceremony... "I'm graduating not just from high school, but from homeschool... so this is my parents' graduation as much as it is mine..."

i was so pleased with how things went, barring a few peevish things i wish hadn't happened, but most everyone he'd invited showed up and all the well wishes and words of support and encouragement were such a blessing.

probably more so to us than to corey. as much as i've almost dreaded this [graduation - proof my baby boy is now a grown up, yadda, blah]... even though the kid's been done with his 'school work' since february... when it was actually happening... when i, with tommy beside me, handed corey his diploma, i was so proud my heart almost busted clean outta me. ;) all the years of crayons and standing at the copy machine making up 'school' stuff, all the field trips and spontaneous nature walks with best friends, all the times we worked together on wording a paper or speech "just right", all the ribbons won, the trophies awarded, the pictures in the newspaper... all those achievements were rolled up in those few seconds when that blank (ha, ha) piece of rolled up paper tied with silky blue ribbon passed from my hands to his.

i would be the one with the slitty eyes from crying. sheesh! case was our trusty camera man.

hawgface & moe-lissa
{inside joke... sorry you few cyberfoks who still even read here, *sniffle* but those who understand will.... um..... well... understand!!}

um, okay... as for the rest of my busyness... just the sheer task of cleaning this place up, including the making of room for the fitting of like 30 people in my house? um... let's just say that now? I CAN'T FIND ANNNYTHING!!!!

urgh!

so, casey has turned 14 while i was in recovery. lol.

who knew how much i'd miss those sparkling-eyed messy-faced smiles?

he has been impossible re: giving any clues/hints/ideas or otherwise about what he'd like to have or do for his special day. he's been pretty sick with bronchitis, so that does kinda dampen the whole celebratory mood. anyhow, his dad finally came up with an idea... so monday, i took case over to the archery shop near our house. and there i sat and stood, alternately of course, for like 2 hours! it wasn't all bad. the couple that run the place are a hoot and i got to watch casey in action, too. we got him some bow equipment and he bought himself some arrows, too, so i think overall, he had a good time.

and then! my mom and dad took him out for supper! tommy's parents gave him a card and some money when they were here for the graduation.

corey's birthday is next week. he says he just wants a cookout. lol. isn't it hilarious how kids can put "just" in front of anything? lol!! "i just want the moon." lol!

hey, at least he didn't ask for something out of the realm of possibility. thank God for that! ;) and shoot, we need to have a cookout.

just not sure if the weather's gonna cooperate. we were sleeping with the windows open just a couple nights ago and now? it's almost 40* lower than the highs have been for almost two weeks. bring it baaaack!!!

*ahem*

anyhow, other than sis's first wedding anniversary also coming up [and pray for me you guys... i have really, reeeally awful feelings toward her husband. lazy, critical of everyone around him, demeaning to my sister, rude and whiny. um, okay... i've said too much, so i'll quit. it's just getting really bad. i mean me! i don't like it when someone can just make me furious just by thinking of them, ya know? i know this is a challenge, a test or whatever you want to call it. but i need to overcome this, and i don't have a clue how. *blush* um... *awkward silence* er... i didn't mean to go into all that, but that just proves my point. just the mention of something concerning him makes me go off. (oh, and i reigned in big time here, ya'll) *sigh*

well, i have got to get off here. i still haven't got wordpress ready to go. i mean, yes, it's installed, but at a different url, and i don't want to change urls! what i want to do is move all this stuff into wordpress and then put all of it here. the very nice man named michael who helped with the installation said that once i got the data moved (is it importing or exporting? i have no idea!) into wordpress, he'd help me get it all moved over to this url.

heh. so that leaves me, with a bunch of other junk to do already and no time to work on this import/export stuff. *wah!!* anyhow... just wanted to update you on that, but please, PLEASE do EMAIL ME!!! cuz i LOVE hearing from you guys!!! (& a big hug to you fweeties who have emailed! THANKS!)

okay... gotta git.

love yas!!!
*smooch*

Posted by subject G~ at 03:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

-> in basically good health as far as the word "good" pertains to me. *heh*

-> wearing a bright pink t with tiny gold and silver studs that spell out Queen of Everything ... no one seems to take notice.

-> in the throes of planning corey's graduation ceremony. to be held at school. in the 'auditorium'. which means here. in the family room. *ha*

-> likely to die before it's all over.

-> a by-the-hair-of-my-chinny-chin-chin survivor of my mother trying to freak me completely out with wanting to move the graduation to summer, etc., change it to a cook out, etc., and completely take over the whole thing entirely etc. (which is why i hadn't told her about it!!) but since corey didn't want to wait that long for a graduation ceremony anyway and we're moving forward with the original plans (sort of!)....

-> expecting new carpet tomorrow... after going to pick it out totally spur-of-the-moment yesterday. ends up being for two rooms since the roll was off the warehouse floor and there'd be just enough for my bedroom after doing the living room and hallway (which look absolutely crappy!!!) the carpet is an imbursement given back for the assistance i have given and will, obviously give in future to the advancement of the enterprise overseen and manipulated by my parents. *ahem* how's that for vague and unintelligible??

-> mad at self because i've misplaced several important papers in the past few days. very angry. am hoping they'll turn up as we uncover from the mess made from laying of carpet. ??

-> excited about helping a used-to-be neighbor and long-time friend get familiar with homeschooling. her daughter is casey's age. i think both of them have wanted to try homeschooling for some time, but the mom works and the daughter made such good grades, they just never pursued it. but in the last year of middle school, the kids are meaner, the teachers have become unfair and the general atmosphere has become such that the daughter is downright unhappy. so much so she gets physically ill. :( anyhow... i've been trying to console/counsel/cheer them on in making this decision.

-> freaking out about sis's THIRTY SIXTH BIRTHDAY this sunday. *eyes bugging* how on earth did that happen?!?! of course, that means i'm like, waaaay old now, too. but to realize she's 36??? even though she's a grown woman all on her own and stuff... *sheesh* for some reason, that number is just freaking me!

-> like *blink, blink* because someone just called my cell phone asking for mamaw. /8^O what the heck?

-> the lucky contestant who's up for "hand tommy the tools" tonight. he got a call about three hours ago to do a job he's done probably three times in the past 12 years. *shrugs* eh, he saaaays it won't be too hard or too long and these people (car dealership) pay faaast... well, it'll be some much needed moolah around here. [addendum::: casey went to help since they cancelled emt cadet meeting a-g-a-i-n] so i got to sneak in a little nap!

-> sad to say this is all i have to tell you. or that is.. that's all i have time to tell you. i have so many thoughts i really need to 'flesh out'. stuff about mamaw and some of the things i've learned about since her death. things i wish i'd known or understood more about... and of course, my feelings about graduating my baby in a few weeks. *sheesh!* only a two days before his brother will turn 14 and then two weeks before he will have his own 18th birthday. where did my little boys go??? *sniffle*

-> glad i didn't forget to mention... basically the one viable option for a decent blog (ie: one with usable commenting!!) is to transfer everything from moveable type to another blog software. wordpress has been suggested by the hosting company. i know nothing about wordpress and obviously, just don't have time to research it right now. anyone who wants to give me a little insight on how well it does (or doesn't?) work, please email me!! {don't forget to change the doodads in the email address!}

thanks.

blessings to you!

Posted by subject G~ at 04:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

there's been a lot going on around here, but then again? not so much. *shrugs* what's a gal gonna do?

just live the best she can, i figger.

lessee....been drivin' that bronco. you'd be very surprised how nice that thing drives!! i hope it brings a good price at the auction. if it doesn't, we're not selling it! hmph!

got the explorer (it's shed the "exploder" title once again! lol!) fixed. turned out that six of the plugs and wires were basically burnt up!! gah! now it's amazing how great IT runs, too! *sheesh!* if only people would LISTEN to me when i say "this thing sounds funny... i think something's wrong with it..."

speaking of LISTENING... tommy got his hearing aids!!! YEHAWWWW!!! so far, it's been a real rollercoaster ride for him... and for the rest of us, too. he kinda goes from being amazed at what he can hear that he couldn't before and hasn't in a looong time to being frustrated at some of the annoyances that naturally come with these things.

but.... he is having some real trouble, too. he has some tmj issues. he got his jaw knocked out of place when he played football several decades ago... and ever since, (because, i assume/know he didn't get proper medical treatment) it pops when he opens his mouth a certain way... like to yawn, or sometimes when laughing or when he goes to bite into a giant burger or something. (although now, it does it almost anytime he chews) *lol* you get the idea. anyhow... you can feel how much movement there is down in his ear canal. thankfully, it's mostly on the right side, which is the side with the least problems.

so far they've shaved down that ear piece, but he's worn it so much assuming it would just "break in" that now it's too sore, so he has to go 24 hours without it. and he is having a lot of problems with the tubes getting moisture in them (happens a lot with people who work outside or are in any area where there's a lot of moisture in the air (like when steam cleaning equipment)... but he drove down today to get some special stuff to help with that.

*sigh* he's scheduled to come back for a recheck (and to also 'rework' the settings on his *ears*) in a couple of weeks. hopefully by then he'll have gotten a lot more used to them and will be ready for the new settings (for distant sounds, etc)

what else? well, i just got back a bit ago from another birthday club dinner. this time it was karen. 44!!! man... i think i'll have to be out of town this year when mine rolls around. after all the hard time i've given them over being soooo oooold well, they might try to make it hard on me this year. and i probably won't be in the mood for none of their nonsense! how immature! *pththt*

karen just got a new job in an office! no more driving a big ol' van picking up elderly and mentally/medicated people from group homes for transport to various places... from the grocery to hospitals to mental facilities to their homes out in the boonies in the dark! gah!

now... *whew* she has this cushy officey job. she's in and out a lot, but still she has this giant new desk and phone with its own extension and rolly chair and such. so diane and i got her a bunch of fancy desk stuff. she was wowed. ;)

i'm worn out!

before that i'd been to the chiro as my head had started hurting again. he had to "set" me four times before i got out of there!! first time, he didn't have me positioned right on the hard thingie where you lay your head. *gah* i usually tell him if it's right cuz i know when it hurts like the dickens, then it's right. but i figured maybe now it was supposed to be in a new place and i shouldn't boss him around so much.

so when i sat up and he felt for that nerve. *OUCH!* there it was. it didn't take. i told him then about how i'd kept my mouth shut about the position being wrong, etc. he told me to speak up! if we were gonna do this, we'd might as well do it right and since i knew where the 'sweet spot' was, then i needed to help him position me on it so the alignment would count!

me: well, i didn't wanna boss you too much
him: i'm used to it. i'm married! --- *then a sound of 'oops, did i say that out loud'*
me: fine then. i got it covered. that ain't right.

that man is such a hoot!

so this time, while he had me down there, finally in that horribly uncomfortable position, he clicks me with the magical machine. then, he says, let me put that back on there a bit snugger, just in case. i am notorious for popping outta alignment in mere minutes/hours after being 'set'.

then, shame on me, i forget my cervical collar to brace my neck.. but he puts me on the therapy table where you lay on your stomach with your face in a hole while electricity is pumped through specific points on your body for a certain number of minutes while smokin' hot heater thingies are laid over top the electric zappers.

while in there getting hooked up, i talk to my friend, jo, who's the receptionist, secretary, bookkeeper, physician assistant, therapy lady, x-ray developer and sometimes babysitter of doc's kids.. lol.... we hardly ever get to talk, so today while it was slow, we talked in the therapy room... me with my head not in the hole, but turned sideways.

i never thought about that being a bad thing til she left and i put my face in the hole and heard the big pop in my neck. oops. out again.

so, after the electro-burningfire timer went off, i told jo my neck was out again. doc came and checked me.

him: yep, it's out
me: see, i told you it was!
him: i HAVE to check. otherwise, why wear the white coat?

gah! fruit loop. so, he set me again. this time i barely moved my head at all! i drove STRAIGHT home, found my collar and strapped it on for about 2 hours before time to go pick up karen and go for dinner.

did i mention that i'm tired?

i am.

gonna go snuggle down with some blankets, a few pillows and watch monk and psych! ;)

have a great weekend, ya'll!

*smooch*

Posted by subject G~ at 08:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

engines, injins, moters, maters..... *GAH!*

*hmph* *roflol*

okay... um, tommy bought this bronco last week. for a couple hundred bucks. the guy thought the tranny was bad because there was fluid leaking. turned out the seal was just bad. sheesh! anyhow... the motor AND tranny work great and in fact the engine in the bronco is better than the one in tommy's pickup, so he began switching them out.

*GAH!*

i hate it when he does stuff like that!! he worked on it at his work in the shop. they're allowed to do things like that. well, actually, MOST of the guys do things like change oil, etc. NOT start interchanging parts with two or three vehicles. *SHEESH!*

anyhow, he's got the pickup engine into the bronco and it's runing fine. some idiot had towed the thing with a chain by the front axle and so that has a little curve in it and turning is like rough!! urgh! but it runs really good! he switched insurance over on it so he could get it licensed (and ready to sell -- he stands to make a good profit on it, THANK YOU, LORD!) but now looks like we'll need to drive it for a couple of days!

the engine in the exploder is missing! (thus the title!) i had to drive it in the awful SNOWY weather at like midnight on saturday. casey had gone with tommy to help set the engine in the bronco. (they have a chain lift, but it has to be lined up, etc... takes someone on top and underneath to get it set just right) of course, this and that went wrong and it took longer to get ready to set the engine, so it was that late before i could get casey.. actually, i hadn't gotten a call from them (nor had they come home!!) so i just loaded up and went by myself!

i hadn't driven in such weather in ... well, probably never!! there was probably only an inch and a half or two inches down (yeah, nothing compared to up north, i know!!!) but it was blowing and slick, nevertheless! it just doesn't get that way in kentucky anymore. :( and nobody will let me drive most of the time. *hmph*

anyhow... we live "up high" so i had to make the choice of which hill would be least slick AND which would be least likely to send me off in a ditch if it was really slick! some of those hills are daggone curvy! so i went down the one toward the train tracks, linda. no one had been down it, so i had some traction, but it was slick underneath there! i even made that 90○ turn at the bottom without wrecking. ha! anyhow.. i almost died when i saw that the parkway had only one lane, and "lane" is really stretching it. it was more like just a couple of hit-and-miss tire tracks, ya know? i'd never seen it like that before!! usually, once you get out of our little "sticks" road and hit the 'city' streets, it's like it never even snowed there. always clear and boring. lol!

it did really shock me, though. even the bypass was that way!!! the ramp was totally covered with snow and then back to those two sorta-there tire tracks. *shiver* but anyhow... i made it to the shop. i had to wait almost an hour because they still weren't quite finished setting it. case was tired and huffy. tommy was tired, but his usual 'buzzed' to be getting more done all the time. i don't know how he keeps going on those things. in all that grease and oil. (he was covered) *blech!*

after they got the bolts in to hold the engine, tommy asked if i'd go get some gas for the bronco. okay, yeah.

so, case and i drove across town. main street wasn't even totally cleared. *gasp* we got to the gas station, filled the can and put some more in the exploder, i got case a hot cocoa and tommy the coke he'd ordered and we headed back. that's when i noticed the shudder in the exploder getting worse.

it's had this shake/shudder when it's idling for awhile, but i've been poo-pooed and blown off about it. well, NOW they're not poo-pooing me. the thing is shaking like an earthquake on wheels!! can't figure out if it's a sensor or a plug, etc.. tommy looked at it last night but couldn't find any fried wires or plugs, so they left it in town to be scanned sometime today. *sigh* it wasn't showing any codes, which was odd. i'm just glad it didn't do like it did when it was having those tranny problems. ACK! =8^O

anyhows... i'm here, stranded -so to speak- with this big ol' old bronco to drive. i need to go get some scripts cuz i'm out and need to go hit the computer down at mom's again today.

it almost killed me yesterday... but that's another post.

ARGH!!!! = 8^S

gotta git busy. hope you're all having a great week!!

hugs....

Posted by subject G~ at 08:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

must be because i ordered the cap & gown today. *sigh*

my baby is ready to graduate. *sniffle*

i got the tassel with '06 on it because if not for having taken off about 3.5 months to work full time with my dad while tommy's dad was in the hospital and home recovering.. well, he'd have already graduated.

he wanted traditional black (how boring are boys?!?! sheesh!) with a blue/silver tassel. at least i get a little color.

i have no idea what we're gonna do. it'll be a couple weeks before the duds are delivered, so i have a bit of time to come up with something or go crazy while not coming up with something.

more likely that last one. gah.

i'm not sure what's gonna happen with the little (and i mean tiny!) church we've been attending. meaning there just aren't very many people there. i suspect the cold weather doesn't help that a whole lot. neither does the fact that one family that sorta promoted the church in the beginning has now left and i'm not sure what might be going on in that situation.

i know one thing though, the little place that's rented now for the church belongs to that family. *a-heh* yeah. last i heard, though, they'd agreed to extend the lease til the end of this year. maybe, i said maaaybe another place can be found by then. *shrugs* i dunno.

but.... *sheesh* talk about your rabbit trails!... the pastor's wife just came outta the blue back around Christmastime and started talking about some sort of graduation party and how the church wanted to do something for corey's graduation, etc.

when i told her i couldn't speak for him as to a date he'd be "finished", and i still hadn't really come up with any definite plans for a celebration....

she kinda jumped in telling me "we" could do something at the church, but we'd wait til like may, "y'know, closer to normal graduation time.."

i musta made a funny face because she then pedalled backward with "not that you're not normal..." etc. *sigh*

anyhow... i didn't pull out my gigantic hat pin and bust her bubble right there and then, but we'll have his party whenever we get good and ready. "normal graduation time" or not. *gah*

i guess she may have been thinking more about being able to find graduation cards or gifts or something??? but you can get those at any time if you look around a little. *shaking head* i just don't know what all that was about, if anything!?

but never mind.... my baby has finally finished and i'm pretty stunned. not that he finished (shame on you!!) but that i'm at this mile marker! who put me over on the supertrain?? i didn't WANT to be on the supertrain!! *waaaahhhh!*

sheesh. so here i am with my whole life/brain/house/mind/house(repeat repetitively) all a mess and i need to figure out what to do for my picky/hard to figure out/choosy/fussy/nice/finicky/handsome son's first graduation!!

*blabadablabadabla* with the finger flapping of the lips as in craziness.

help me?

Posted by subject G~ at 11:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

• the last couple of times, i've seen the physician's assistant at the endo's office. her name's rebecca and she's cool.


• my A1c was 6.3% this time. up .03 from last time, which she was pleased with.


• i'd lost 6.5 pounds since the first of january. go, me! don't ask me how. dunno except stress & not eating much b/c of stress. i don't recommend this diet.


• she lowered my basal rates even more. (lowered them last time, remember?) so now i'm taking less than 20u total! total!! hard to believe when i first got on the pump in 11/04 i started w/over 60u per day! gah! no wonder i've dropped a few pounds! sheesh!


• my sugar's already been bouncing around a bit. it'll take a day or two to see if these rates will work, so i gotta just stick it out. the docs would rather me have a few highs (around 200) than so many lows (over 75% of my tests were below 80!)


• that's all she wrote. buh-bye!

Posted by subject G~ at 05:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

eh. i dunno. i guess that's pretty much right.

unless i have a headache.

Posted by subject G~ at 05:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Create your own Friend Quiz here

c'mon people. take the test. i'm reeeeaally curious. *hee hee*

~hugs~

Posted by subject G~ at 03:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)

...quietly and in a fair amount of peace. mom and dad were there to see her go. she called dad's name, took what would be her final breath and was gone.

i've never had a prayer answered so precisely and so quickly and it left me feeling shaken. all at once feeling horrible for having prayed such a thing but then.... trying to remember to show thanks for the expediant fulfilment of the prayer.

*sigh*

i know, when i can look logically at the situation, that this is better but then.... to realize that you literally just got off the floor from praying for God to "take someone on" and in a matter of minutes, you get a call telling you this 'someone' has taken a turn for the worse. their body has begun to shut down and the doctor says it is a matter of hours now.

*shudder*

i'm still very troubled by what's happened. but that's another post.

it looks like this will be a long, drawn-out thing as the funeral home had four other people brought in ahead of mamaw that same day... and we have a few people who won't be able to get here for a day or two.

in the meantime, there is the matter of music. dad is very picky about that and there just isn't anyone he knows who's still singing that he wants to sing. he asked me if i thought sis and i could sing with him.

*wha??* i told him maaaybe if i didn't have to see anyone's face... and better yet, if we could sing from the little "music room" beside the foyer out front so i couldn't hear anyone, either... and even then it would still depend on what song we sang. it's hard enough to sing at a stranger's funeral, let me tell you. but to sing at your own mamaw's?!? (even though we did do that for our other grandma--but that was different.. long story)

anyhow.. a buddy of tommy's has a recording studio soooo we could go record the songs and let them play through the speaker system and save ourselves all that emotional turmoil. i just hope this guy can be around to do the recording!

*siiigh*

so anyhow.... it's pretty much kinda like a dazed chaos here. dad and mom both seem to be doing okay. there are, of course, tons of calls to make and take, so they're staying busy. i know you can try and prepare yourself for this kinda thing and i know daddy's been doing that for a good year now. and he's always been a great stoic in times like these.

i just happened to call to check on things about 5 minutes after mamaw passed, and i heard the tears in daddy's voice. surprising really, considering how he is... but when i didn't say anything back immediately, he answered back with no trace of those tears and said, "now, geannie, she's in a better place. she's not hurting and she's happy. be happy for her and not sad."

to which i answered, with my tears held back, "okay, daddy. what do you need me to do?"

so... now i'm off to go find the answer to that.

blessings---

Posted by subject G~ at 09:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

mamaw's in the hospital. nurse-cousin appeared to do her "swoop in and save the day" thing (which was good... she should have, cuz mom was just not able!) and got mamaw in to see her nephrologist (kidney doc). he was working out of his office in another county, closer to nurse-cousin's house, which is waaaay far from nursing home, but anyhow... she ended up calling me about this stuff because she couldn't reach my parents.

the night before, dad had taken both the boys on a job that turned out to be a nasty one that lasted til about 6am, so he had been sleeping with phones off and mom was running errands. guess nurse-cousin just lost their cell numbers. *sigh* anyhow, it was fine that she called me. kept mom from feeling as if n/c was somehow accusing mom or whatever. cuz that was the first thing out of mom's mouth... how she couldn't take mamaw to the doctor since she can't even get up by herself anymore and how she'd have to get 'blah-blah' (name of disabled transport company) to come get her and then she'd have a real fit, etc., etc.

anyhow, i calmed mom down because to me at least, n/c didn't sound that way at all. it may well have been a different story had she talked to mom, though. anyhow.... mamaw's blood tests were not coming back very good. and it looked like the doc would recommend her going to hospital.

unless she was practically dying and two docs agreed or whatever, my dad is the only one with legal authority to have mamaw put in hospital. n/c can't do that on her own.

i didn't think they'd do it last night, but they did. this morning, mom calls to ask if the boys can come help load up mamaw's recliner and tv, etc. so they can clear out her room at the nursing home. (it's in another county, remember?) the plan was to get her into the one here in town... where she's been on the waiting list for over three years!! mom had her put on it because she knew how hard it was to get someone in there!

and quite obviously so because after planning to clear out the current room, she finds out that it's slim to nil that a room will become available within the next four days (that's as long as m3dic@re will pay to hold the current room!) so... now we're back to leaving her stuff (except for going to get her "most stealable small stuff") for the four days, seeing how well she is doing in the hospital and then contemplating whether or not to let the room go and risk not being able to get a room here (or anywhere within a 5 county area!!!) or coughing up money to hold the room. *siiigh* that's what daddy had to do last time.

and we're pretty fed up with how this home is "taking care" of mamaw. waiting til a problem is "A PROBLEM" and then chasing their tails to try and fix it. ??? that's not good health care!!! gah!

anyhow.. at least if she was closer to home, we could keep a closer eye on her... we could reach out and smack a doc's head if he wasn't doing what he should be... we could keep a constant glare on the nurses, etc. so they'd know we were watching them. (nancze, if you're around... you know i'm not griping at you here... but i know you know this kinda stuff happens, too... and i think lotsa time it's the doc's fault too... the nurses and aides are terrified to make one move til doc says (red tape, anyone?) and most of the time he/she has so little an idea of the patient's actual condition, they let it go til it's really bad, etc. *sigh*)

gah... so we're in limbo and mom's in a terrible state worried to death that there'll be no other option than for her to take mamaw home and care for her. that would be an awful situation because
#1 - mom would so resent it. (long story there, but believe me, she has a right)
#2 - she'd kill herself trying to care for mamaw
#3 - mamaw would take advantage of mom
#4 - not one single relative would offer a helping hand (excluding me, i mean! -- i'm talking about all those who've sat around saying "call if you need anything, i'll be right here to help" yeah...riiiiight)
#5 - it would literally kill my mother. i've watched her almost wither away before while trying to tend to two other elderly relatives, again from dad's side of the family.. while not one other blood relative offered to see to them.
#6 - there would never be one word of thanks offered. that is, not unless a profound change took place. dad's relatives have never been given to thanking my mother for her selfless help in times of need.

i just don't think i could stand to see that happen. mom and dad, mom especially, have always tried to keep me out of the down-and-dirty of things like this... so i'm pretty clueless about some things and who did or didn't do what, etc.... but i do believe i know enough about what my mother HAS done for many, MANY of dad's relatives to be able to bawl out the rest of them for shamelessly wanting to dump mamaw on my mom. they've been encouraging her (mamaw) the whole time each time she'd start talking about how she could come home.... "why sure you would do better at home. phyllis could come and check on you during the day, etc., etc. and so forth" mindlessly volunteering my mom for care duty. when they have NO CLUE how much mom has on her plate and how little energy she has.

GAH!!!!!!

*sigh* sorry. i just get SO MAD when i think about this stuff. it's just endless. she (mom) told me yesterday that she had a nightmare. then she talked about something else for a minute, then she proceeded to tell me about this nightmare... seems in the nightmare, dad's brother had gone and pulled mamaw out of the home and while mom and dad sat completely unaware at their house, uncle backed up to their door and was "unloading" mamaw with all her stuff on their doorstep!!!!!

yes. now that was indeed a nightmare. and it told me exactly what her worst fear is. she is terrified of having to take care of mamaw.

i love my mamaw, don't get me wrong. but i know how she has treated my mother and for that, i have reserved the right to not like her so much. when my mom's oldest brother died, i was just a toddler... dad's brother's marriage was as usual, on the rocks and mamaw had his three kids.. the youngest was about 4 years older than me... they (mamaw & papaw) were in the middle of stripping tobacco at that time.... but mamaw told mom she couldn't watch me while mom went to be with her family. even though she had the other three right there in the barn with her and i was old enough to walk and had spent lots of days with the family in the barn just like that while mom helped work.... over and over... things like that hurt my mom and let her know how mamaw felt about her.

but who ended up being there whenever mamaw needed help? uncle's wife? um... no. they divorced and she's in georgia and the woman he married next was a pure loon. (she's now in and out of mental institutions and yes, they're still married) so my mother feels extremely used and unappreciated, but she'd never turn her back on anyone in a time of need. everyone just walks all over her.

i despise that.

*long weary sigh*

sorry... i didn't mean for this to be a long railing rant, but there you are. that's where i am today. worrying about my mother. instead, i must pray!!! pray for peace to settle in her mind. for the Lord to take all fear and anger from her spirit and give her a sense of peace... allow her to just trust in Him for whatever comes next. stop making up "what if's" and just build up her faith so that no matter what, she can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth her. :) (Phillipians 4:13)

same goes for me... i need peace and strength above all. the tension just starts knotting up inside me. for mamaw's sake, i hope she doesn't just linger on in pain. for all out sakes, really. that just isn't good for anyone. mamaw is already miserable because to begin with she WALKED into the er and after two weeks in hospital, she came out UNABLE to walk (negligence of doctor, imho!!!!) and now she is in this state. this woman who has always been mistaken for being a good 20-25 years younger than she really is... it's been very hard for her to go so quickly from quite able-bodied to this state of utter frailty. i can't imagine. well, yes, i can.... but you never ever want to. it's an ugly frightening thing to imagine. and yet, it is so.

please pray if you think of it. oh... also another prayer request that's a little more pressing... tommy has been made several offers on this 'new' truck of his. it's a really really good truck. the best one he's ever had, really. it runs good and all but like two things work (needs new wiper motor for delayed wipers) and something else.. minor stuff. anyhow... he's got about $800 in the thing... and it's worth way more... and he's been offered 2K. a very decent offer.

that's really great and he'd be jumping at it except that the money won't be 'free'... we need to pay property taxes and catch up a couple of other bills with it. we could probably leave about $800 of it for him to use to get another truck... but as for finding another sweetheart of a truck like this one? it's not very likely. but we really need the money... but we have another car to drive if the explorer were to go down or something....

but it's a great truck.... but we really need the money.

see? tommy's going nuts about it. i told him i sure didn't know what to do. this truck is an automatic, which means even i can drive it! *woo!* most he finds are manuals.... *sigh* i told him maybe this is where faith comes in. his dilemma is not knowing. he wants to KNOW what the Lord wants him to do. how can we ever KNOW that for certain til we actually do something? or are we realllly supposed to know for certain before we actually DO something??? *sigh* it's hard. but he needs to make a decision today.

TODAY.

please pray for a clear direction on this. it would be muchly appreciated.

thank you all sooooo much!

better entry soon, i promise. gotta run.

love ya!

Posted by subject G~ at 01:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

mamaw's in the hospital. nurse-cousin appeared to do her "swoop in and save the day" thing (which was good... she should have, cuz mom was just not able!) and got mamaw in to see her nephrologist (kidney doc). he was working out of his office in another county, closer to nurse-cousin's house, which is waaaay far from nursing home, but anyhow... she ended up calling me about this stuff because she couldn't reach my parents.

the night before, dad had taken both the boys on a job that turned out to be a nasty one that lasted til about 6am, so he had been sleeping with phones off and mom was running errands. guess nurse-cousin just lost their cell numbers. *sigh* anyhow, it was fine that she called me. kept mom from feeling as if n/c was somehow accusing mom or whatever. cuz that was the first thing out of mom's mouth... how she couldn't take mamaw to the doctor since she can't even get up by herself anymore and how she'd have to get 'blah-blah' (name of disabled transport company) to come get her and then she'd have a real fit, etc., etc.

anyhow, i calmed mom down because to me at least, n/c didn't sound that way at all. it may well have been a different story had she talked to mom, though. anyhow.... mamaw's blood tests were not coming back very good. and it looked like the doc would recommend her going to hospital.

unless she was practically dying and two docs agreed or whatever, my dad is the only one with legal authority to have mamaw put in hospital. n/c can't do that on her own.

i didn't think they'd do it last night, but they did. this morning, mom calls to ask if the boys can come help load up mamaw's recliner and tv, etc. so they can clear out her room at the nursing home. (it's in another county, remember?) the plan was to get her into the one here in town... where she's been on the waiting list for over three years!! mom had her put on it because she knew how hard it was to get someone in there!

and quite obviously so because after planning to clear out the current room, she finds out that it's slim to nil that a room will become available within the next four days (that's as long as m3dic@re will pay to hold the current room!) so... now we're back to leaving her stuff (except for going to get her "most stealable small stuff") for the four days, seeing how well she is doing in the hospital and then contemplating whether or not to let the room go and risk not being able to get a room here (or anywhere within a 5 county area!!!) or coughing up money to hold the room. *siiigh* that's what daddy had to do last time.

and we're pretty fed up with how this home is "taking care" of mamaw. waiting til a problem is "A PROBLEM" and then chasing their tails to try and fix it. ??? that's not good health care!!! gah!

anyhow.. at least if she was closer to home, we could keep a closer eye on her... we could reach out and smack a doc's head if he wasn't doing what he should be... we could keep a constant glare on the nurses, etc. so they'd know we were watching them. (nancze, if you're around... you know i'm not griping at you here... but i know you know this kinda stuff happens, too... and i think lotsa time it's the doc's fault too... the nurses and aides are terrified to make one move til doc says (red tape, anyone?) and most of the time he/she has so little an idea of the patient's actual condition, they let it go til it's really bad, etc. *sigh*)

gah... so we're in limbo and mom's in a terrible state worried to death that there'll be no other option than for her to take mamaw home and care for her. that would be an awful situation because
#1 - mom would so resent it. (long story there, but believe me, she has a right)
#2 - she'd kill herself trying to care for mamaw
#3 - mamaw would take advantage of mom
#4 - not one single relative would offer a helping hand (excluding me, i mean! -- i'm talking about all those who've sat around saying "call if you need anything, i'll be right here to help" yeah...riiiiight)
#5 - it would literally kill my mother. i've watched her almost wither away before while trying to tend to two other elderly relatives, again from dad's side of the family.. while not one other blood relative offered to see to them.
#6 - there would never be one word of thanks offered. that is, not unless a profound change took place. dad's relatives have never been given to thanking my mother for her selfless help in times of need.

i just don't think i could stand to see that happen. mom and dad, mom especially, have always tried to keep me out of the down-and-dirty of things like this... so i'm pretty clueless about some things and who did or didn't do what, etc.... but i do believe i know enough about what my mother HAS done for many, MANY of dad's relatives to be able to bawl out the rest of them for shamelessly wanting to dump mamaw on my mom. they've been encouraging her (mamaw) the whole time each time she'd start talking about how she could come home.... "why sure you would do better at home. phyllis could come and check on you during the day, etc., etc. and so forth" mindlessly volunteering my mom for care duty. when they have NO CLUE how much mom has on her plate and how little energy she has.

GAH!!!!!!

*sigh* sorry. i just get SO MAD when i think about this stuff. it's just endless. she (mom) told me yesterday that she had a nightmare. then she talked about something else for a minute, then she proceeded to tell me about this nightmare... seems in the nightmare, dad's brother had gone and pulled mamaw out of the home and while mom and dad sat completely unaware at their house, uncle backed up to their door and was "unloading" mamaw with all her stuff on their doorstep!!!!!

yes. now that was indeed a nightmare. and it told me exactly what her worst fear is. she is terrified of having to take care of mamaw.

i love my mamaw, don't get me wrong. but i know how she has treated my mother and for that, i have reserved the right to not like her so much. when my mom's oldest brother died, i was just a toddler... dad's brother's marriage was as usual, on the rocks and mamaw had his three kids.. the youngest was about 4 years older than me... they (mamaw & papaw) were in the middle of stripping tobacco at that time.... but mamaw told mom she couldn't watch me while mom went to be with her family. even though she had the other three right there in the barn with her and i was old enough to walk and had spent lots of days with the family in the barn just like that while mom helped work.... over and over... things like that hurt my mom and let her know how mamaw felt about her.

but who ended up being there whenever mamaw needed help? uncle's wife? um... no. they divorced and she's in georgia and the woman he married next was a pure loon. (she's now in and out of mental institutions and yes, they're still married) so my mother feels extremely used and unappreciated, but she'd never turn her back on anyone in a time of need. everyone just walks all over her.

i despise that.

*long weary sigh*

sorry... i didn't mean for this to be a long railing rant, but there you are. that's where i am today. worrying about my mother. instead, i must pray!!! pray for peace to settle in her mind. for the Lord to take all fear and anger from her spirit and give her a sense of peace... allow her to just trust in Him for whatever comes next. stop making up "what if's" and just build up her faith so that no matter what, she can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth her. :) (Phillipians 4:13)

same goes for me... i need peace and strength above all. the tension just starts knotting up inside me. for mamaw's sake, i hope she doesn't just linger on in pain. for all out sakes, really. that just isn't good for anyone. mamaw is already miserable because to begin with she WALKED into the er and after two weeks in hospital, she came out UNABLE to walk (negligence of doctor, imho!!!!) and now she is in this state. this woman who has always been mistaken for being a good 20-25 years younger than she really is... it's been very hard for her to go so quickly from quite able-bodied to this state of utter frailty. i can't imagine. well, yes, i can.... but you never ever want to. it's an ugly frightening thing to imagine. and yet, it is so.

please pray if you think of it. oh... also another prayer request that's a little more pressing... tommy has been made several offers on this 'new' truck of his. it's a really really good truck. the best one he's ever had, really. it runs good and all but like two things work (needs new wiper motor for delayed wipers) and something else.. minor stuff. anyhow... he's got about $800 in the thing... and it's worth way more... and he's been offered 2K. a very decent offer.

that's really great and he'd be jumping at it except that the money won't be 'free'... we need to pay property taxes and catch up a couple of other bills with it. we could probably leave about $800 of it for him to use to get another truck... but as for finding another sweetheart of a truck like this one? it's not very likely. but we really need the money... but we have another car to drive if the explorer were to go down or something....

but it's a great truck.... but we really need the money.

see? tommy's going nuts about it. i told him i sure didn't know what to do. this truck is an automatic, which means even i can drive it! *woo!* most he finds are manuals.... *sigh* i told him maybe this is where faith comes in. his dilemma is not knowing. he wants to KNOW what the Lord wants him to do. how can we ever KNOW that for certain til we actually do something? or are we realllly supposed to know for certain before we actually DO something??? *sigh* it's hard. but he needs to make a decision today.

TODAY.

please pray for a clear direction on this. it would be muchly appreciated.

thank you all sooooo much!

better entry soon, i promise. gotta run.

love ya!

Posted by subject G~ at 01:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

welp, i had a right good start on one of those "year in review" posts last night. i left it when tommy made noises of interest in watching the men's dvd from no greater joy, so i immediately ran to put it in the player and turn in on, etc... (um.. he doesn't know how lol!) and the first time, i came back to my work on my post because i thought maybe he didn't want me in there while he was getting a brow beating. *heh*

later, i heard snoring and shortly thereafter, tommy called out for me to come into the living room, so i went in there again and sat with him. i realized that there were women sitting in on the message on the recording (it was sorta like a seminar/teaching session in a church) so i stayed.

poor tommy *siiiiiigh* kept dozing off and he was trying so hard (for awhile) to stay awake... i finally just gave up on him and turned it off and went back to save the post... and i find that someone had used my computer, nay my WINDOW, and had used it to surf to other pages thereby zapping all my work into cyber dust.

i was so irritated... *sigh*... but i held my tongue and just let it go. thus the title.

whatever.

it's all rainy around here. temps are so-called "mild", but i seem to be cold most of the time. urgh.

sis came to me the other day saying she "had a bone to pick" with me. huh? she said the pastor's wife had come up to her (that's kinda the way she does.. she just comes up and gets in your space, y'know? *heh*) and asked how she was doing... sis: "uh... okay..." pw: "well geannie told me you were having some female problems..." !?!?!?!????? wha??! good grief!

i thought and i thought about when and what i'd talked to and said to her... it's not like we ever just sat down and had a long conversation. most of our 'conversing' was in passing... short exchanges before or after church services or in between trying to tame their kid when they come over here. *ack!!* the ONLY thing i can think that i MIGHT have said (but i swear, i don't remember saying anything... i just can't positively swear that i didn't... *sigh*) was maybe i mentioned that i thought her birth control pills were interfering with her seizure meds.

now you tell me H-O-W does that translate into F-E-M-A-L-E PROBLEMS?!?!??!?!

good grief. that kinda thing just bugs me. i just hope it wasn't me who actually started the whole thing. *siiiiIIIIiiiigh*

okay, so i'm trying not to go off the deep end over this kinda thing. and man, what effffort it takes!! it just really bothers me when it involves someone besides me and the person i feel is skewing what was said. or...

whatever. i am striving to no longer be a person who blows up [throws a hissy; has a cow; flips her lid; goes nuts; sees red; comes unglued; etc., etc.]

boy howdy! am i getting convicted even as i write. now, really, i am not a p.r. rep. for the folks at ngj and them pearls... but i'm listening to the free downloads of mike's series of teaching on the book of romans. man. he doesn't beat around the bush. that's a forewarning to those who are heading over to get those downloads right now. and i encourage you to listen. even if you don't subscribe to the baptist beliefs, i guarantee you'll learn something you didn't know. i dare you to go listen. ;Þ or....

whatever. you can choose not to learn something new.

if nothing else, i'm playing this one for tommy asap. [everything from 00:00 to the end (of the series!) but specifically 19:49-21:40] right now, he's trying to get the brakes fixed. the plan was to simply "bleed" them, but they ended up getting locked and blah, blah, blah... that simple 15 minute job has turned out being a 4 hour job. yep. i thought he'd be right home, but he wasn't so...

whatever. i choose not to get upset.

okay, so... um, wanted to let ya'll know the changes to my basal settings have helped a lot with the crazy blood sugars. what a relief! *whew!*

i've had my share of migraines, but not any really horrible ones lately and so i'm thankful for that.

i'm finally starting to make some headway on this house!! finally! gah! it was getting really horrible!

the Christmas stuff is still out, but i have started gathering it up so that i can be ready to put it in the boxes once we get all the totes down from the attic. *blech*

i splurged and bought myself a cute little tart warmer thingie at the 'vendor mall' the other day. it's the perma-sorta flea market type-a place where my mom has her booth. there are a few really fancy booths in there. i've never had any tarts or such, but when i saw this cute burner with the exact colors of my kitchen with sunflowers even, i reasoned with myself that it was decoration and not just something to melt wax and smell nice.

whatever. *heh*

anyhow, the tart jiggies i got with it just weren't what i wanted. sweet temptation or something like that. *blah* way too floral and sweet. i didn't like that wafting around the kitchen. so i stopped by the mall again and found another booth with much larger tarts that were even a little cheaper. that i found yummy vanilla! noooow, i have a smooth, delicious smell that carries all the way into my living room without overpowering the kitchen where the burner sits.

i discovered something else in there. this awesome booth with tons of um.. i dunno exactly what to call it... it's like new england/colonial/primative decor. i know some one out there probably has a whole houseful of it, so tell me what you call it! PLEASE! i'm looking for MORE! lol!

this booth is so cheap. i suppose they get their stuff as overstock or something, but it's all brand new and in great shape. i bought a cute square stoneware jar with a rooster painted on it and a little glass candle holder inside. then i bought this set of wooden letters about 2.5 or 3" tall painted and scuffed up with weathered wires in them for hanging. they spell welcome (unless you hang them up wrong! lol!) today, i went back to get something i'd been dying to have... it was only $6, but it was just so perfect for an odd wall area of the kitchen. it's a small "fence plank" section with an adorable home and trees painted on it. curly wire wound with tiny florals serve as a hanger.

i just love it! i've decided that i will just get an item every so often as i get a few bucks here or there. (IF i get some bucks, that is! lol!) anyhow... i've just fallen in love with some of the stuff they have there and it's so affordable (probably straight from asia, i guess?... haven't seen any infamous stickers yet, tho) i figure i'll just start building a little treasury of decor... and um.. well, decor with it. LOL!

whatever.

okay... well, i've been the larger part of the afternoon writing this. between phone calls, laundry loads and supper cooking (yep, actually fixed supper... which is why no one was home. it never ever fails) so now the big boy is home. tommy and case are still working on that dadblasted truck. (biting of the tongue here)

they did at least come home and eat. gah. i have to go call tucker back in and check on the dryer. then i'll need to clean up the supper mess (meatball heros), unload and load the dishwasher.. then i'm hitting the hay.

or whatever.

;)

g'night!

Posted by subject G~ at 03:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

okay, so finally a post-Christmas post. *heh*

well, i mean this is not my usual melancholy. this is different. this is serious and not a specific melancholy.

like our gentleman oscar slapping the mother-in-law title on me fresh after the engagement! *sheesh* man! i'm about to flip what with 40 staring me in my cataract-y, bifocal-needing, bleary, bloodshot, droopy eyeballs! don't be layin' mother-in-law on me too!

*heh* funny how we attach certain conotations to certain words? i have to admit that my first reaction to the word (words?.. hm...) mother-in-law is not one of peace and serenity. that's because, sadly, most of the interaction with my mother-in-law hasn't been that way.

let me quickly interject here that over the years, our relationship has gotten much MUCH better. and i know MILs i'd rather die than have as my own... so i have to be thankful for mine.... but we don't have a cozy relationship. but it is a good one. it's just that "title", for lack of a better term... it carries so many awful or silly or scary images, ya know? for me, it's an automatic reaction to just tense up when i hear it. so to be called that? how's that for weird? gah! i'm trying to think up another word....

as for all that melancholy stuff... well, this Christmas seemed especially hard. most all of you know my maternal grandmother died on Christmas morning of '02. it's hard to lose someone on a holiday like that. it always lingers over every preceeding celebration. even though we knew grandma wasn't going to last much longer, it was still a shock.

and then there is the way all plans for the day are disrupted. corey was just 13 and casey only 9 when grandma died. i remember they got a k'nex big ball tower. it had over 2,000 pieces! they were so excited and had just got it opened when i got the news from daddy about grandma. they knew what had happened and that i was leaving to go help with things because she was dead. i was gone for about 3 hours and had only come home because mom threatened me. she kept telling me basically that i was "too weak" to be there, etc. her words were "you will get too tired" and "you need to rest". actually...those are the same things grandma always said to mom whenever she came to take care of her at the nursing home.

*sigh*

so anyhow.... all those memories hang over my Christmases and i know they bring mommy down too. she's getting better with each passing year i think... but after the final gathering (breakfast at my house on Christmas morning) she starts looking vacant and sad and wants to leave for the cemetery. i'm glad that now, at least, she comes back looking more peaceful than used to.

this year, i thought i was going to end up at the hospital or in bed before all the gatherings were over. i really had some major pain going on with my back. after my MILs episode with her leg and having to help her get around, well, that put some real strain on my back. that was the 20th.

on the 21st, we tried to get some errands run and such. my back was bothering me a little, but nothing out of the ordinary. anyhow... my leg started hurting!!!!! i couldn't believe it, and i didn't dare tell any of them. weirder still, it started after a trip to the bathroom (a number one trip, okay?!) it was in the middle of my thigh and felt like a circulation thing except that it would shoot down my leg and around my hip to my back occasionally.

like i said, i tried to keep it to myself. after about an hour, the pain wore off. i figured it was just some fluke and forgot about it.

my sugars had been high that day, so i was drinking a lot of water so....well, you know... i had to make another trip and darnit if it didn't happen again!!!??? anyhow, this time it hurt worse & was very painful to walk. one of the guys asked what was up with me and i said, "i'm not telling" so then tommy thought aunt flo had descended upon me.

*sheesh!!!* after another trip to the toilet and trying to not put any weight on the right side and STILL ending up with even more excruciating pain, i finally had to tell. "my leg is hurting." at this point, i could barely walk.

corey suggested the heat pad, which was a huge relief and helped ease the pain sooner, but it was so much worse... it took about 3 hours before it was really better.

i was getting really worried and kinda mad thinking what the heck am i gonna do? it won't do much good to go to my GP as he's really not much help except for the very basics and so who else do you go to??? but thank God it was better the next morning and didn't bother me again.

the 22nd, we busted rump around here trying to get everything ready for the BIG DAY (engagement/charades/freaky-me-out day!! woot) since i'd been either gone or unable to get around for a few days, things were NOT going according to The List. *sigh*

we just worked and worked... putting up stuff, cleaning, putting stuff up, cleaning, putting things away, cleaning and putting stuff where it belonged. *heh* by the end of the day, my back was feeling pretty raunchy. I was just thankful that my leg didn't hurt too!

so then decemeber 23rd. THE day arrived. the day corey had talked about for over a month now. and?? we still had a lot of stuff to do. my back was still bad, but i just kept at it. after all the little nit-picky stuff there always is to do, we barely h ad everything done and those pesky lindas... they arrived precisely on time (unlike the pathetic geannies, who are a l w a y s late no matter what!), so i didn't even have time to put on any makeup!! egads!!

anyhow, like usual, when you have other things going on, good company and exciting events happening, the pain is somehow easier to push aside and that's what i did that night. as described in this post, things went marvelously. i made it through all the festivities and only had a medium collapse after it was all over.

Christmas eve of course, we had church and thank God we all had clothes ready. i don't think i could've ironed one stroke that morning. tommy rubbed my back down with some freezone stuff and i hobbled to church. remember, the church we attend now is just starting up and uses padded folding chairs. you'd think they'd be comfy enough, but with an achy back? man, they're really tough on you! i am usually good til about halfway through the sermon, then i start having to move around to find a more comfortable position, etc.

anyhow, we had prepared ingredients for potato soup ahead of time and that had been slow-cooking while we were gone. the aroma was a pleasant welcome home! i got home to find that my sugar was high... a bit over 300...which meant i couldn't eat any potato soup til it went down. :*( what a bummer. but somehow it didn't knock the wind out of me like it might have in the past. we all sat in the living room, the guys eating soup and garlic bread and me downing my water like a good hyperglycemic diabetic, while watching the end of some Christmas movie.

after, we opened the blessing jar. tommy, who admittedly hadn't kept up with writing his paper every day, ended up reading most of them... and crying. the things the rest of us had written seemed to overwhelm him. i told the guys that for this year, i wanted to keep the jar for all year, not just the month of december. we'll see how that goes.

so then we prayed together, thanking God for all these blessings and the ones we couldn't even think of, etc... and for the gift of togetherness and of course, the gift of His Son. then we opened gifts. when the boys were little, i never dreamed that it'd get so much harder to buy for them the older they got, but SHEESH!! we got corey mostly just what he picked out and told me he wanted... an emt bls pocket quick guide (basic life saving), a muscle car calendar, a day runner, and his only surprises... mustang gt emblems for his car and a box of gourmet hot sauces! lol!

for casey, we got an emt rain jacket (official, no less!), a stethoscope and a leather badge holder (so he can wear his badge on his belt when not in uniform). he also got a hoodie and a christian tshirt he'd been wanting.

tommy got a new shaver since his old one was broken. and a new sweater, a heavyduty boggin and i forget... something else...oh! a kentucky afield dvd about deer. the boys got him deer hunting stuff, too.

me? well, i almost passed out over my gift. i got this!!! see? i told you i about died!! i knew they'd been talking about getting me a new flat panel display. i've been wanting one since forever!! my monitor's been getting stupid for quite awhile... just kinda going 'in spells'. anyhow... one day tommy comes home with this 17" flat screen monitor. (i'd been using our OLD old 15" since the goofy one was just messing with my eyes too much!) so where'd he get it?

a guy at work had found it on the side of the road with the trash. yep. i'm using it now and have been for the last 3 weeks. it has a few scratches, but seems to work fine except for the fact that the window content is a tiny bit skewed to one side and it can't be adjusted out. it's not enough to affect the use of the monitor. i was thrilled!

anyhow, in the weeks before Christmas, i'd been struggling MIGHTILY with printing some wallet-sized photos of corey and melissa to send with cards and letters (that i waited til the 23rd to send!) i'd also had a horrible time trying to print some gift photos for tommy's parents before that! ended up having to burn them to cd and take them to office depot to print!! gah! my printer just wouldn't #1 - print the right colors and #2 - print at the correct placement on the paper!!! GAH!

so the guys decided to get me this photo printer and it is da bomb!! i've printed a ton of photos. i took this one on Christmas morning when mamaw was with us:

oh, that's all of us... tommy with his parents in the back, my boys on either side, my parents on the right, my sis and her hubby in the back left and me and mamawin the center.

okay, so by Christmas morning? it took all my effort to walk to the shower. actually, tommy had to help me in there. again, he rubbed me down with the stinging freezone. i put on my best face and hobbled to the kitchen.

Christmas morning breakfast is sort of a new tradition. we started it to help take mom's mind off grandma's death. give her a reason to get out of the house and something else to think about for awhile. it was also a way to keep mamaw from insisting that we crowd into her little trailer. there's just so much more room up here. plus, it keeps tommy's parents from spending the day alone, too.

*sigh* it is always a tall order, but this year, just the way things worked out, it was monumental! i honestly didn't know if i'd make it. tommy's parents arrived first, as usual. i don't care that they come. i don't mind that at all, but i resent the way he behaves. see the photo up there and then this one below? it's like they have to prove what a tight family they are, etc. and they will all tend to act as if there's no one else around... for instance

<

when the three of them sat on the couch together here (that's tommy's head peepin' over mamaw's cotton-puffy hair there), fil pulled a box of photos from under the coffee table and he and mil, and then tommy started looking through them. mamaw, as you can see, is in the wheelchair at the end of the couch and corey, dad and i are sitting on the love seat at the other end... but when they were done with a batch of photos, they'd stick them back in the envelope and put them back in the box. *rolling eyes wearily*

that's just the kind of thing they do. after about a half hour of that kinda thing, with poor mamaw leaning over trying to get a peek i reached into the box for a package of pix. fil says in a kinda irritated voice, "no, she's [meaning mil]already looked at those!"

{just fyi::: you're reading nothing i haven't already talked to tommy about, so i'm sorry to bust yer bubble, but i'm not airing my dirty laundry. lol!}

and if you knew me in person, (linda? lol!) you'd be able to hear my response... "i don't care if she's looked at 'em. i'm takin' these to mamaw to look at!" then i think i added "silly" or some such before an uncomfortable tension settled in the room. even though... everyone else is used to that kinda behavior... from me AND them. *heh*

so anyhow, finally the rest of us got to look at pix from years gone by... the boys on camping trips, in diapers, with buddies, fishing trips, etc., etc.. what memories.

mamaw opened her gifts from us. i'd given her a decorated sweatshirt from cracker barrel. she seemed to like it. it's so hard to buy for her anymore, ya know?

i felt so bittersweet the whole time she was there. i talked with her about silly things and just recent events or what was going on with other family members and how things had been going for her at the home. but it wasn't until they were getting ready to leave that i had to tell her what i'd been thinking for such a long time...

i hadn't been to see mamaw in almost 2 months. seems like everytime i had planned to go, something would happen. either something with me, or the vehicle or someone/something else. but most of it was me. i just hadn't felt able to go. there was the viral outbreak that i didn't want to expose myself to... maybe i should have? then there's been all this crapola going on with my sugars.

it's been lots worse than i've told you. stuff going on almost daily sometimes. (more on this later, perhaps)

anyhow, i eased down to tell mamawhow bad i felt for not getting down there to see her more often. the tears came then. i told her i wanted to come so many times, but i just didn't have the energy, or i was just plain sick because of the lows. then she started to cry and kissed my forehead. that's uncommon for mamaw, but then she said she didn't want me to make a trip if it hurt me and that she loved me.

all the guys helped get her outside and off the porch. i buckled her into the car and we cried and talked some more.

i don't know how many more Christmases we'll have mamaw with us. i wonder if this was the last one? i was thankful that i got that group picture. i usually don't insist on doing that. but i'm starting now.

i thought about how much more at ease sis's hubby is with all of us. he actually talks to us now! seriously. it's a gigantic step compared to before! same goes for somebody else new to the family. *wink*

but bil really needs Jesus. i thought about how we're in all these different situations and we're always there to show Jesus to someone. it doesn't have to be a lost person. we Christians need to be reminded that Jesus lives in us, too. it's a little pick-me-up to see Jesus in our fellow man. it is a blessing to see it.

when everyone had gone after Christmas breakfast, the four of us just kinda spontaneously gathered around the island in the kitchen and said "it was all worth it" ahhhh. and even though i am still suffering with back pain, i agree.

who knows if we'll all be together like that ever again? who knows if you'll see that person at the store again? on the bus/train.. at that intersection? soon the 'daily grind' will take us over again and all the warm fuzzies of the season will slip away. make a commitment to remember... do a good deed. say a kind word. give a friendly wave or a smile.

showing Jesus isn't so hard. it's keeping the heart right that is the challenge.

i commit to trying harder to being a kinder person. to remembering that i have no promise of tomorrow. this may be my last breath...the last clack of my keyboard. Lord, help me to make it count for You.
in Jesus' name
--amen

i know this is scattered and choppy and just plain nuts, but thanks for reading.

God bless you!

Posted by subject G~ at 05:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

so... continuing from my last post of any reasonable substance...

==nancy and her li'l puppy did come over that day. and whaddaya think happened?

the day went just fine. of course it would. *heh* never fails when i go all psycho-obssessive about something. i guess mainly i was worried because i had sooooo much to get done and was completely clueless about how it would go. but she just jumped in and worked her skinny fanny off and took that cutiepie puppy out every so often. so that other than tucker being totally opposed to the pup breathing his air, things went wonderfully and we had a great time together.

that'll learn me. *sheesh*

==we had a nice thanksgiving. mom and dad were here. dad got mamaw from the nursing home, so she was with us too. they didn't clear her to stay overnight, so she had to go back that afternoon and she seemed ready to go, even though she complained about the home, then in the same sentence told you some great thing about the place... *rolls eyes* now she's been in the hospital for going on three weeks. bronchitis and heart stuff that she usually has this time of year and she is getting better, but now there is a viral outbreak of some kind at the home and they are quarrantined, so mamaw is at the hospital til...??? i dunno how they can do that to people... i mean, dad's having to pay to keep her room since she's "left it vacant" for over the allotted 5 days, plus the hospital costs? good grief! how do they expect people to afford this kind of thing?!?!?

gah!

um, so... thanksgiving.. yeah. it went well. (excuse that aside) karen and two of her sons were here. i think all of them had a good time. mom and dad were worn out. mom especially. as usual, i think she just wore herself out trying to 'do' with making food and such. *sigh* and i think she was wound up about mamaw being here, too. all that emotional garbage, etc... :( anyhow... they went on back home after taking mamaw back, but karen and her guys stayed til supper time.

good thing because we needed more eaters to help with all that food!! ;)

==i'm loving my redone kitchen. even though there's been all this christmas stuff all over my computer/school/living room ever since the day after thanksgiving. corey just up and decided to get it all down and he put up the tree (which i then had to put lights on *bah!*) and helped decorate that, but the rest (i decorate the top of the entertainment cabinet, the coffee table, piano and mantle, etc) i just wasn't in the mood for it and couldn't seem to make anything look right. besides just hurting and being so tired.

i really was out of it for about t