Society for the Preservation of My Sanity

for the comforting words.

everything is finally over. the funeral home was booked solid. maybe i already mentioned that (and i'm too lazy/tired to go see if i did) but anyhow, the funeral was friday morning.

as mom, dad and i went through the visitation sign-in book, there were approximately 250 people who came by, which would not have been possible had we had the funeral earlier, so the waiting worked out well.

mamaw looked so wonderful! it was just amazing. she looked as if she were just lying there asleep. the lady who's done her hair for years came in to fix her hair, so she looked just like she always did on a friday or saturday evening. she instructed the makeup people on how much and what colors to use. she told daddy about how she sang to mamaw while another service was going on as she worked on coifing her short silver tresses. such a sweet lady.

mom found this red suit with some sparse silky "vine" stitching and tasteful sequined flowers around the cuffs and lapels and then a perfect white blouse and necklace to go with. mamaw always loved to wear red and looked gorgeous in it. they were even able to lay the larger part of her cut wedding band on her finger (remember, corey had to go cut it off just before Christmas because of the swelling) so she appeared to be really ready for church, with the ring she never took off and all.

we ended up not having to sing or being able to get into a recording studio either. daddy amazingly found a cd with some recordings of the good old songs by some of the originals from 'back in the day'. :) it worked out well, even though i'd never seen a service where there weren't live singers. the songs and the way they were sung were perfect. "Peace In The Valley", "Just A Rose Will Do", "How Beautiful Heaven Must Be" all of them, mamaw's favorites.

there was and is family *crap* galore going on, but none of it spoiled the service. no one acted out or caused a scene, for which i am immensely thankful! i just don't know where we'll go from here. i am shocked but then not really... and i'm definately confused and i'm completely saddened. even though i knew this day was coming. the day when those who have seemingly wanted so much to do it would finally break any ties left in this family. the song, "...will the circle - be unbroken - by and by, Lord? by and by?" seems so regrettably appropriate here.

================================

[february 9, 2007]

i think with that part of the family (dad's brother's, (& only living sibling) kids) mamaw was the only thing that forced contact from them with us. the whole family dynamic in uncle's family is too bizarre to relate here, so i won't, but the cold shouldering and nasty looks were hurtful, even though we knew they'd happen.

actually, let me clarify that it wasn't uncle's kids who did the worst of that stuff. it was the granddaughter. she spoke not one solitary word to any of us and more than once i caught her throwing daggers at us with her eyes! there's no other way to describe it.

i have no clue why except that she'd been told something by her mother, who was extremely cold to us as well, but since she knows 75% of the people in this county, she played the pulling-together relative when anyone was looking. it's just so desperately sad.

i'm restraining myself now... as i could go on relating tale after tale of times we've opened our hearts and homes to them only to be snubbed later on.... but i'm too tired. why waste the energy?

since mamaw lived right in dad's yard and he saw to all her needs, repairs to the trailer, trips to doctors, etc., etc... of course he helped draw up her will. it's not like she had a fortune to leave behind. but she had things of sentimental value. true sentimental value to us. but a kinda sudden "oh-i-want-that" value to others. gah.

anyhow... dad bought mamaw's trailer and set up the paperwork/will/whatever so that it was hers as long as she lived. i don't understand how this works exactly, but some way dad agreed that she could will the trailer to dad's brother (who has trouble maintaining a consistant living area -- *ahem*) so unc's been trying to sell the thing since he can't afford to get it moved nor does he have a place to move it to so as to live in it himself (and his wife). now i'm not sure, but i think that unc must pay dad whatever the trailer appraised for, so unc has been really scrambling to find someone who'd buy it for at least SOMEthing more than that.

with me so far?

that's okay. i don't get it most of the time either. gah. apparently he's "got it sold" to a nephew of his wife's and is "waitin' for the paperwork to go through". *sigh* i hope it happens soon. we worked our butts off clearing out that trailer real quick-like because he kept saying he had the thing sold. so no leisurely sorting through and neatly packing things. nope. we just had to empty drawers and closets asap, haul all that up to dad's shop and/or garage... get all the heavy furniture hauled up there, all her meds that still needed sorting (which came from mail order and needed to be called about? etc!) gah!! it was a real mess!

anyhow. that's been our lives here lately.

besides that stuff? if you can recall, i think i only mentioned it once or twice in passing, but i'd been working on the year end payroll stuff for dad's business.. w-2's and all the 4th qtr reports, etc, etc., gag!!! last thing before mamaw died, i'd hit a snag thanks to some freaky mistake that i could find nowhere and made no sense that it'd even be there in the first place, yadda, yadda...

all that stuff has to be done by 1/31 and so after the funeral, and kinda getting our bearings back over that weekend, i had TWO DAYS left to get alllll that stuff done. ARRRRRGH!

thank God, i did get it all done. not quite sure how, but i did. then i went and bought a $200 program for their computer to put their books on, cuz frankly? i'm tired of having to go through this panicky mess all the time. and mom doesn't have the time or surplus brain power to fool with this stuff. not with her booth at the vendor's mall, and all the other stuff going on with daddy's business. etc., etc., etc.

sheesh. but then i find out we'll need yet another program to put with this one to actually DO the payroll completely, and not just keep track of employee time. #$(*&$#(*&!! boy, if that don't burn my hide! my mammy & pappy don't understand this computer stuff, so having to go back and explain, or TRY to at least, to them that weeeeeell, this program WILL do SOME of the stuff we need.... just not alll of it.

grrr.

anyhow... as it is, i will have to do backtracking seeing as how it's almost the end of february and i haven't got to put annnny of their info into the computer yet. gah! i'm trying to get my house a little more under control first.

ha! who am i kidding? i'm trying to flippin' find the floor around here!! i've had migraines galore since before mamaw got bad sick and during her worst illness and of course, her funeral, etc.... i had a ton of stress-induced low blood sugars. i mean i had a LOT of them. so my house is disasterous because i haven't stopped since before thanksgiving and when i do stop? i crash.

*siiiigh*

okay. i'll stop whining now. guess you wish i'd just kept this here post in drafts, eh? ;Þ or maybe you just see why it took soooo long to finally get it posted.

if you think of it, say a little pray for me? i would greatly appreciate it.

dunno when i'll post anything of interest again. don't just dump me though, please? at least leave me a dear jane letter. that's the least you could do. *sheesh*

*pththt*

gotta go now...

much love to ya'll!