Society for the Preservation of My Sanity

Er, um...wait. That's not exactly what The Wicked Witch of the West said to Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, but that's what the Witch of the Cemetery said to Casey today.

Gah! That old bat!

I'm sorry if I seem to be disrespecting my elders here, but that woman has never earned an ounce of respect in her whole life. She's nasty, gossipy and tries to cause trouble anywhere she can.

She's come over here several times insinuating that our dogs were carrying off the flowers from her elaborate mausoleum. They never have. There ARE many stray dogs and other woodland creatures around here, y'know. I'm surprised she hasn't set up surveillence cameras or some kind of shot gun trip wires. In this burial plot which is more about one-upping anyone else, is indeed set with a honkin' mausoleum with a marble bench, the family name carved in the part where your butt would hang over. It's all fenced off with black plastic chain and wooden posts. Inside the marble box-for-three lies her father and mother with their names displayed with extreme prominence and a space for herself as she's the self-appointed family plot guardian. Never mind that she has other siblings.

I guess none of them wanna be planted next to her?

She's even come over here when we had GUESTS and drilled them about who was carryin' off her flowers. And did you SEE anyone over there? Um, no, we don't live here. But did you see any strange vehicles around? Ah, no. We. Don't. Live. Here.

When I spotted her standing out on the porch interrogating our company, I sent Tommy out to deal with her as I was trying to cook! She went through the same thing with him.

Well, you LIVE here, for Pete's sake (and yes, she says things EXACTLY like that, all hateful and impatient) don't you ever notice who's going up in the cemetery?
No, actually. There's a row of 25-foot tall pines over there so we can't see what's going on.
Well, looks like to me you'd know when there's strangers around and call the law when people are tearing stuff up over there!
Well I'll tell you what, if you want 24 hour security, then you should hire someone because we aren't here to stand guard over your graves.

Gah! She finally huffed off, but man, she is a pistol to deal with!

Today, we'd just got back from picking up Corey. Tucker was with us, of course, and he jumped out first thing. He usually makes a round trip and sometimes over into the cemetery for a looksee. To make sure there are no weirdos or anything he's not seen before over there.

Today, he sees Miss Gulch herself. She's got this ridiculous gitup on...dark sun glasses, wide-brimmed hat with a scarf tying it on, a bulky ill-fitting coat, and gloves.

He, of course, starts to bark. (wouldn't you?) We could hear him, and were calling for him to come....then I hear You git outta here! You git! I didn't know who it was from my position on the porch, but I could tell that someone was way too hateful and we'd better get over there fast.

Casey was closer to the row of pines, so I told him to hurry, that someone was yelling at Tucker. By the time I got close enough to peek under the pines, I saw her standing there with her rake, swinging it at Tucker. Then she turned on Casey and hollered, You'd better get that dog away from here. Ain't no dogs supposed to be in here. I'll call the law on you!

GRRR! I hollered over, That little dog ain't gonna hurt you then under my breath you old hateful bat!

I know...not very Christlike of me. At least I didn't say it out loud. Truth told, she probably never even heard the first part either!

Gah! She makes me so mad!! I'm just glad she doesn't come around often. Her family is one of the big-wig clans in the town and she thinks she's some mighty power wielder, but everyone knows her for what she is. A hateful, bitter old penny-pincher who doesn't care about anyone but herself.

I wish she would call the law. I'd like to see the faces of the deputies when I show them the monsterous dog she's claiming almost bit her face off. Um...yeah. This 10-pound poodle was more scared of her than she was of it.

And rightly so, says I. Nyah!